IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advances #technology #decades #improvements #people’s #lives
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Nowadays , some
people
 believe that
technology
 has become more and more advanced in recent decades and
as
Correct your spelling
is
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 an essential part
in
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of
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 our
lives
.
While
 I acknowledge the convenience and
productive
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productivity
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, I believe that
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advances provide lower employment opportunities and
privacy
 problems. There are several reasons why
technology
 can be advantageous for
people’s
lives
.
Firstly
,
technology
 development causes
people’s
lives
become
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to become
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 more convenient,allowing
people
communicate
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to communicate
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 online without meeting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real life.
For example
, the application programs we use like WeChat,
QQ
Correct word choice
and QQ
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,which is
so
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very
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 popular .
This
 freedom enables
people
 to connect with
other
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others
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who we
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whom they
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loved
Wrong verb form
love
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,
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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the
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apply
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time and cost . These benefits make our
lives
 easier and better.
Additionally
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is no doubt that
technology
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technological
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 development pushes
people
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people's
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 living steps forward
.
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For
for instance
,the company which use
the
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apply
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technology
 robots to take place
the
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apply
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workers can save more money
for
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on
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people’s
 salaries and increase the productivity of production.
However
, I would argue that
technology
 development provides
less
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fewer
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 work opportunities and causes
privacy
 concerns. On the one hand,unemployment rates have
a
Add a missing verb
had a
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dramatic increase over the decades
.one
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One
 of the biggest factors is the
develop
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development
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 of
the
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apply
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technology
.
people
Capitalize word
People
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 who have low academic qualifications
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been fired because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
 replacing their jobs. Without the salaries and hard to find a job ,their
lives
 become more difficult.
On the other hand
,with the advancement of
technology
,
privacy
 concerns are attracting
people
 to take into account.
For example
,reports of parents of university students falling victim to financial scams are increasingly prevalent.the crime
use
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uses
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
 to copy the voices of students to make their parents
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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so that
the
Correct your spelling
they
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 can steal the money easily. In conclusion,
although
 advances
of
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in
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technology
offers
Change the verb form
offer
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 convenience and productivity,I believe that the
unemployed
Replace the word
unemployment
show examples
 rate and
privacy
 concerns will become a barrier
for
Change preposition
to
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people’s
lives
.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the central idea. Currently, there are instances where explanations or examples may seem loosely connected. Achieving this will strengthen overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas within paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay, which will help in maintaining the reader's attention.
task achievement
Improve clarity by revising sentence structures, ensuring ideas are expressed more comprehensively. By doing this, it will be easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your ideas more clearly and make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view of the topic by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of technological advances.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and conclusion, clearly wrapping up the discussion.
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