IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount that people can earn. Discuss both views and give your option.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #control #limit #amount #option
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In some countries, a miner portion of
people
 gain above the normal salaries.
While
 some argue that it can be beneficial for the economy, others take
an
Change the article
a
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 counterview and assert that the high incomes should be capped. From my perspective, both ideas should be in place with
considerations
Fix the agreement mistake
consideration
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. On the one hand,
potential
Change the word
potentially
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 high salaries can motivate
people
 to gain competitive advantages in order to be qualified for higher incomes. If
people
 observe that by augmenting their skills and knowledge, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be promoted in their jobs, they will tend to
lean
Correct your spelling
learn
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 new topics related to their professions.
Consequently
,
does
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do
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 not only employees earn more
benefit
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benefits
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 by climbing
organizational
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the organizational
an organizational
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 ladder, but adept workers will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the efficiency and the profit of the organizations.
For instance
, when I was working as
stock
Add an article
a stock
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 market analyst, those employees who could manage to pass CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) certificates, would progress in their positions by leaps and bonds.
Thus
, putting limitations on revenues will demotivate
people
.
On the other hand
, I believe that salaries should be restricted after increasing beyond some maximum numbers. The reason would be that the gap between
Correct article usage
the poors
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poors
Correct your spelling
poor
 and wealthy strata will increase and it might cause several hardships in the societies. As the number of deprived individuals is growing, the safety in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society comes down. The reason behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
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 that appropriate education is not usually accessible for
people
 in lower social layers, and
as a result
, they will not find decent jobs.
Therefore
, They would be inclined to commit various crimes, like robbery, drug smuggling, and so on in order to gain money. In countries
such
 as Iran, with an affluent minority, the number of wrongdoings is increasing
by
Change preposition
among
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 poor
people
.
Overall
, I believe that a policy which is a combination of both beliefs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more effective because
although
 notable incomes would create challenges in the society, it can motivate
people
 to learn novel things.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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grammatical range accuracy
Work on ensuring subject-verb agreement and use consistent tense throughout your essay to improve grammatical accuracy. For example, 'a miner portion of people gain' should be 'a minor portion of people gains.'
introduction
To enhance the introduction, consider presenting a more general statement on income disparity and its implications before stating both views and your own stance.
task response
Try to further develop your arguments and counterarguments to provide deeper analysis and balance the views presented.
task response
The essay presents both views on the topic and offers an informed personal opinion, achieving a balanced discussion on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is logical and well-organized, with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs, aiding coherence and cohesion.
task response
The use of a relevant personal example, such as the CFA certification process, effectively supports your argument and enhances task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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