There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Today, it is important to have a higher education to get a job and to become an essential part of the community, but it puts a lot of pressure on young individuals to succeed academically.
Hence
, some people believe that non-academic subjects should be removed from school syllabuses so they can focus on academic study. In this
essay, I will give my opinion and disagreement on this
argument.
Firstly
, materials such
as cooking can benefit young people who are talented in these subjects because it can provide them with a bright future. For example
, one of my friends who graduated from pastry art college in Saudi Arabia was able to open different shops to sell her cooking and passion; as a result
, she became financially stable.
Secondly
, physical sports, similar to cooking, secure promising opportunities in several universities that focus on talent. In other words
, they can gain athletic scholarships, such
as in football, hockey, and basketball, in elite institutions so they can be players on big teams internationally. For instance
, Taif University, located in Saudi Arabia, provides several sports programs with instructions on how to be a professional athlete and play in major leagues.
I would argue that nonacademic material should not be removed; it is significant for individuals who are talented in this
area. On the contrary
, we need to advance the studying syllabus and concentrate on extracurricular activities.
To conclude
, higher education puts pressure on young people to perform well academically, but it is also
essential for employment prospects and community involvement. Some contend that in order to concentrate on academic studies, nonacademic subjects ought to be eliminated from school curricula. Nonetheless
, extracurricular activities like cooking and athletics can offer chances and financial security in prestigious colleges. Therefore
, the emphasis should be on extracurricular activities and expanding the study syllabus rather than eliminating nonacademic content.Submitted by roof.al1418 on
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure all parts of the question are addressed clearly and thoroughly, with balanced arguments on why non-academic subjects should not be removed.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, consider using more varied linking devices and transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
For better cohesion, aim to develop each supporting point with more depth and detailed examples, ensuring a strong connection between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear stance in the introduction.
relevant specific examples
Positive examples, like the one about Taif University, are relevant and support the argument well.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion neatly summarizes the main arguments made in the essay, reinforcing the writer’s stance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.