IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #species #animals #risk
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One of the most crucial problems in the age of today is
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
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 of certain animal
specimen
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specimens
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. Many believe that the fast rate of animals going extinct is caused mostly by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate
change
Use synonyms
 and the development of human technology, which impacts Earth's ecosystems. The solution to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon could be innovating the current economic industry to be more green and
environmentally-friendly
Correct your spelling
environmentally friendly
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as well as
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implementation
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implementing
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of
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apply
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a
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apply
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funding for animal organizations The first possible reason for the growth of
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overall
Change the article
an overall
the overall
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 number of endangered species would be the shift in the global temperature, caused by bigger carbon emissions.
This
Linking Words
 is a result of different human-made issues like overconsumption of
food
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 or an
over production
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overproduction
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 of litter, which increases the
greenhouses
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greenhouse
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 gasses in the atmosphere. In consequence, many parts of the world experience extreme draughts, and
Use synonyms
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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of
Change preposition
in
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 climate, which can deplete the sources of
food
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 for different members of the animal kingdom.
For example
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, in
Africa
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Africa,
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 more and more regions have shorter rain seasons, which impacts the migration periods of different mammals like elephants and rhinos in search of
food
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. The drier the savannas are, the tougher it is for the big herbivores to find vegetation to consume.
In
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As
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 a result, many of them struggle to survive. A possible solution for
this
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 could be the creation of more animal reservoirs to act as a sanctuary for the endangered specimen, providing shelter and
food
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.
Secondly
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, the culprit of a fast
extinction-rate
Correct your spelling
extinction rate
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 of several species could be a recent boom in new technologies that enable crude
oil
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 extraction in regions like the Arctic
pole
Capitalize word
Pole
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.
Oil
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 rigs that go deep into the ground diminish the structure of glaciers, causing chunks of ice to fall off and melt in the ocean. Those actions destroy the homes of its inhabitants, like
the
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apply
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polar bears or
walrus
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walruses
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, which can be a life-threatening situation
to
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for
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 them. In order to stop
this
Linking Words
 problem, various actions should be taken by the governments to halt
oil
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 excavations in the Arctic.
Moreover
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, alternative sources of energy like
wind-farms
Correct your spelling
wind farms
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 could be built near the North Pole. In conclusion, various solutions could be applied to the serious matter
that is
Linking Words
 endangerment and extinction of animal species. When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate
change
Use synonyms
, it is very difficult to
change
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 the
rapid
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rapidly
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 rising temperature of the globe itself,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 sanctuaries for the specimen in need could be created. In regard to the animals who are dying, because of the crude
oil
Use synonyms
 extraction in the Arctic, new environmentally-friendly methods of energy sourcing are yet to be implemented.
Submitted by amelia.koska on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph introduces a single clear idea, with supporting sentences. This will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Expand on the solution of implementing funding for animal organizations, as it was mentioned but not elaborated on.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a sound introduction and a well-summarized conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
The reasons for animal extinction are clearly identified and relevant examples are provided, like the situation in Africa and Arctic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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