IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
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There are several reasons for
people
 to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes. One of them is poverty. I argue that the poor tend to do crime
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the rich.
Firstly
,
although
 none of us wants to do bad things, an empty stomach can cause anyone to harm
other person
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
 in order to have some money. It is a matter of survival. Everyone has an instinct to defend their lives.
Secondly
, there is a general thought that enviousness is a very dangerous state of mind. During human history, many conflicts are caused by social inequality.
The capitalism
Correct article usage
Capitalism
show examples
 creates a system where the rich become richer and the poor become poorer. In
this
 situation, poor
people
 have some degree of
frustation
Correct your spelling
frustration
 which sometimes
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
 them to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes. As a journalist, I cover crime as well. Once I met with a wife with three little children. Her husband was arrested by the police
due to
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 he
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 committed. Apparently, he did not have a job
while
 his children
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 food and milk. The wife told me that her husband was a good man but the economic condition had changed him. As a conclusion, I think poverty makes
people
 do not have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 choices. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is not fair to judge other
people
, since rich
people
also
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whenever a person does not have something to eat, he or she will do whatever it takes in order to fill their stomach.
Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs for better coherence. Consider using linking words and transitions to help guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Present ideas with more clarity and depth in each paragraph. Expanding on points with more detailed explanations will strengthen the overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the main argument, followed by a conclusion that effectively summarizes the key points made.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, like the journalist's anecdote, illustrating how poverty can lead to crime due to a lack of choices.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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