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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below illustrates which of 3 fast food retaurant were the most preffered amonst the tenagers in Vietnam and Indonasia in 2017 and the predeiction for 2027.

The chart below illustrates which of 3 fast food retaurant were the most preffered amonst the tenagers in Vietnam and Indonasia in 2017 and the predeiction for 2027.
#food #retaurant #amonst #tenagers #vietnam #indonasia #predeiction
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The given four pie charts portray which of
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
fast food restaurants were the most liked by
teenagers
 in
Vietnam
 and
Indonesia
 in the year 2017 and the predictions for 2027.
Overall
, in the year 2017, the most preferred restaurant among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Vietnamese
teenagers
 was Burger King,
while
 in
Indonesia
,
McDonald
's was the most preferred restaurant among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
. In 2027, in both
Vietnam
 and
Indonesia
,
McDonald
's will be the most preferred restaurant among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents
. In the year 2017, in
Vietnam
, 52.8 % of
teenagers
 preferred Burger King,
while
 in
Indonesia
, only 15.4 % of
teenagers
 preferred Burger King.
Moreover
, in
Vietnam
, 43.1% of
teenagers
 preferred
McDonald
's,
while
 in
Indonesia
,
Mcdonald's
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
show examples
 was preferred by 60.8 % of
adolescents
. Only 4.1 % of Vietnamese
adolescents
 preferred
KFC
,
while
, 23.8 % of Indonesian
adolescents
 preferred
KFC
. In 2027,
McDonald
's will be the most preferred
restaurants
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
show examples
 for both Vietnamese and Indonesian
teenagers
 because 57.4% and 48.5% of
teenagers
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these two countries respectively will prefer
McDonald
's.
While
 only 6.3 % of
teenagers
 will prefer
KFC
 in
Vietnam
, and 39.2 % of
teenagers
 will prefer
KFC
 in
Indonesia
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words teenagers, vietnam, indonesia, mcdonald, adolescents, kfc with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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