IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals argue that living away from the house
while
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 studying is more beneficial for
students
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 rather than staying with family .I completely agree with
this
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 point for a variety of justifiable reasons. First and foremost studying out of parents gives undergraduates a chance to grow independently .Primarily , studying abroad not only enhances
students
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’ educational abilities
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 expands their knowledge of the cultural values of new cities.
As a result
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,
students
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 gain additional language ,and culture skills that are essential for their future.
Furthermore
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 ,pupils from different countries share their expression about their native country ,
as a result
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,
students
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 expand their world view.
For instance
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 , an article in the “Musavat”written by Mrs Safiya in 2020 ,stated that graduates who receive good marks are from various countries , not local residents . Another compelling argument Is that
students
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 should live away from their homes and they become responsible in making decisions about how to spend money to pay for both housing and food .
Furthermore
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 ,nowadays a lot of
students
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 who are studying abroad are working at the same time to provide for their needs.
Moreover
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 ,spending some proportion of time on campus builds a strong personality.
For example
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 ,
according to
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 statistics from Seher newspaper
students
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 who study away from family have more achievements rather than other
students
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. In conclusion ,I entirely support the view that it is better for
students
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 to move their families to study because it gives them maximum concentration and independence .

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task achievement
Consider adding a counterargument or addressing potential opposing views to make your essay more comprehensive. This can strengthen your argument and show a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will enhance the clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each point you make is connected clearly and logically. Use linking words more frequently to improve the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your argument.
task achievement
You've provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as referencing the article in 'Musavat.'
coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly coherent, with clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This is good for the flow and readability of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diverse social environments
  • broader network
  • professional contacts
  • accommodation
  • financial burden
  • emotional support
  • psychological support
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • academic pressures
  • familial support system
  • distraction
  • focused study environment
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