IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that in the modern society individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, the topic of
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s relationships has been highly debated,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are becoming more dependent on
others
Use synonyms
,
others
Use synonyms
 contend that
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more independent. From my perspective, opinions differ on conditions, and I am neutral on
this
Linking Words
 point of view. On the one hand, the development of the internet is a main contributor to
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s dependence on each other. With the advent of social media,
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s lives are getting closer since information can be spread at their fingertips.
For instance
Linking Words
, Instagram allows
people
Use synonyms
 to share their lives and text friends with little effort.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 are willing to post pictures or feelings on it and exchange ideas with friends, which is definitely an emotion-booster and a relationship-link for
individuals
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are keen on seeing different lifestyles of their friends and building an intimate bond with
others
Use synonyms
, thereby relying on each other more
due to
Linking Words
 the emotional value that they give.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another factor that contributes to
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
’s independence is advanced technology. Artificial intelligence offers
people
Use synonyms
 access to obtain information and solutions to their questions without referring to
others
Use synonyms
’ opinions,
for example
Linking Words
, ChatGPT, which
analyzes
Change the spelling
analyses
show examples
 data and gives real-time feedback to specific questions.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming less likely to discuss with their peers at the workplace, aiming to facilitate work efficiency and accessibility to diverse information.
This
Linking Words
 practice considerably improved
individuals
Use synonyms
’ productivity at workplaces.
However
Linking Words
, cooperations cannot be neglected since the subjective opinions are
also
Linking Words
 essential to contemplate, no matter in terms of quality of work or internships. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting dependent either independent
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other to some extent, which differs in terms and conditions.
Individuals
Use synonyms
 are supposed to build up clear boundaries with technologies to enjoy a healthy relationship with
others
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be more clear about your view. State a strong opinion in the introduction or conclusion so the reader knows your stance.
coherence
Plan with a simple layout: intro, two body paragraphs, conclusion. Use linking words to show contrast and result.
language
Use short, direct sentences. Keep the words simple and easy for the reader to grasp.
content
The essay gives two sides and uses examples like Instagram and ChatGPT.
structure
There is a basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalized economy
  • collaborative work environments
  • crowd-sourced
  • empowered
  • perception
  • availability
  • autonomy
  • reliance
  • shifted
What to do next:
Look at other essays: