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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside
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There has been a trend towards urbanization and industrialization in the 21st century with tremendous shifts in population from rural to urban areas leading to the advent of
myriad
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a myriad
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 of social and economic shortcomings. I consider that
this
 has quite negatively impacted our lives. In the
forth coming
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forthcoming
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paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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 I shall be elucidating the reasons for the same.
To begin
 with, as population is shifting to cities which are incredibly becoming congested and overpopulated resulting in tiny living spaces with compromised health and privacy. The sky-high tall buildings provide hundreds of families with substantial accommodation and less per capita area per person with shared kitchens and toilets by larger people resulting in poor hygiene and the spread
endemics
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of endemics
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.
For instance
the
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apply
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cities like Mumbai and Pune were in COVID were worst affected
due to
 overpopulation.
Lastly
, the shift pattern has been associated with exuberant economic issues leading to exorbitant property prices
over burdening
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overburdening
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 the economically weaker sections of the society. Buying an apartment becomes an unpragmatic feat for the lower section with a large sum of wages spent on renting an apartment leading to
further
 economic differences.
According to
 recent statistics in the Times of India, newspaper 30-40 % of the income of middle-class families
are
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is
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 spent on leasing
a
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apply
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shared accommodation in Mumbai.
To conclude
, Urbanization has definite perks of improved technology and sophistication but comes with the cost of overcrowding leading to a plethora of medical hazards and a surged cost of living which can be partly negotiated by proper planning and development of rural and urban areas.
Submitted by jamila_fani on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by focusing on a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects to provide a comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay's central argument.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, like referencing the Times of India, which helps to support and strengthen your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic opportunities
  • career prospects
  • quality of life
  • cultural exchange
  • economic stagnation
  • urban overcrowding
  • infrastructure
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • migration
  • superior education and healthcare services
  • diverse and vibrant cultural landscape
  • local services
  • urban slums
  • pressure on infrastructure
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