IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need.Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new product.Discuss both views and give your opinion. Huy Tran

#people #advertisements #sources #information #product #huy #tran
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Advertising in the modern era is important.
People
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 believe that all advertising motivates humans to buy something they do not really need.Others consider that advertising is important
with
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to
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 them because it brings information about
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brand new
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brand-new
show examples
items
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.
This
Linking Words
 topic will be discussed in the paragraphs before I give my opinion. There are many reason why advertising motivate humans to buy something they do not really need.
Firstly
Linking Words
, businessmen want to achieve their KPI so they release advertising for all customers and they manufacture some
items
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 in limited editions to
aim
Verb problem
attract
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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curious buyers.
Secondly
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,some
people
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 have a tendency to store things even though they do not use them but still buy them.A recent conducted at Havard University shows that 78% of
people
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 buy things but do not use them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,others consider that advertising is important
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them because it brings information about
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brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
items
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.Customer when they buy a
product
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 they want to know the statistic of that
product
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 so through advertising they can see it.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 reputable
brand
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 ambassadors advertise that
product
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therefore
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people
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 have more faith in those
items
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.
For
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example
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example,
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 Apple(the world's number one best-selling phone
brand
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) always opens seminars to learn more about their
product
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Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Introduction
Try to improve the introduction by clearly outlining the main points that will be discussed. A more detailed introduction can set a clear expectation for the reader.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay with a strong conclusion that summarizes the discussed points and clearly states your opinion. This will provide closure and clarity to the reader.
Structure
Ensure each paragraph logically connects to the next. Use linking words or phrases to help guide the reader through your essay smoothly.
Clarity
Make sure your main points are clearly stated and supported with examples. This will enhance the overall comprehensibility and make your arguments more persuasive.
Examples
Expand on your examples. Providing more specific details will help illustrate your points better and strengthen your argument.
Balance
The essay has a good balance of discussing both viewpoints.
Examples
Relevant examples are provided to support the points made, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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