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Band 4.5

The bar char below shows the results of three surveys on absenteeism in a particular Europain country in the yearsof 2000, 2005 and 2010.

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The given bar chart compares the proportion of reasons for absenteeism in a certain country in Europe between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
,
it is clear that
illness
 became the central reason for not going to work all the time,
while
stress
 was not popular among workers, staying the least excuse. Interestingly, responsibilities in family and
illness
 decreased over time. By 2000,
illness
 became the main excuse of respondents, at exactly 45%, when family responsibility was the second-ranked reason, just below 30%. When it comes to the least excuses made by workers, they were
stress
, personal needs, and unexpected problems, around 5%, 15%, and 10%, respectively. In 2005, the number of reasons for missing work fell, with the exception of personal needs and unexpected situations. The percentage for
illness
,
stress
, and responsibilities dropped to 5%, 1%, and about 5% as opposed to the initial amount. In 2010,
although
 family responsibilities and unexpected problems remained identical, the figure for
illness
 and personal needs declined, with only the excuse of
stress
 almost tripled from 5% to around 14%.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider providing a clear conclusion or summary sentence at the end to encapsulate your overall findings and impressions of the data. This will help reinforce your main points and provide a cohesive end to your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all important trends and data points are clearly interpreted and compared. This will give a more comprehensive view of the data being presented.
task achievement
Phrase the data-related statements clearly to avoid any confusion regarding the trends or figures mentioned. For example, avoid phrases like 'all the time' which can be unclear without specific context.
task achievement
The essay accurately identifies the main trends shown in the bar chart, such as the central reasons for absenteeism over the years.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with an introduction and clearly divided body paragraphs that discuss different aspects of the data.
coherence cohesion
Main points in the essay are supported by specific data figures, which help to illustrate the quantitative changes over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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