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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the US from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparions where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the US from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparions where relevant.
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The line graph provided above depicts the proportions of homes in the US having five various modern facilities for a five-year period spanning from 1995. It can be seen that more and more households had bought all equipment, but the
phone
Use synonyms
 trend was the one with the most rapid growth, and
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine maintained its position as the most omnipresent tool. Regarding the less used technologies, in 1995,
DVD
Correct article usage
the DVD
show examples
 player stood at over 20%, with a remarkable fall, it reached a trough of almost 15 per cent, the lowest per cent of all
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it experienced a considerable upward trend. The rate of households owning both the
internet
Use synonyms
 and
phone
Use synonyms
 rose from 10% and slightly under 20% respectively, to almost 20%, but they had different positive gradients afterwards, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 owners increased less rapidly than that of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. In 1998, houses
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
equipped
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 were one and a half times more than those with the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the trend of
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 soared abruptly and overtook
computer's
Correct article usage
the computer's
show examples
 line by the
last
Linking Words
 year,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
widely
Correct quantifier usage
most widely
show examples
 used tool in homes, only two-fifths of houses
connected
Add a missing verb
are connected
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 to the
internet
Use synonyms
. Turning to movements of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, beginning at 40% and 60% respectively, they saw a considerable permanent rise over the period. washing machine kept its position as the most used tool at homes in the
last
Linking Words
 year.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adoption rates
  • technological proliferation
  • year-on-year growth
  • digital divide
  • saturation point
  • laggard technology
  • consumer electronics
  • technological obsolescence
  • internet penetration
  • market dynamics
  • socioeconomic factors
  • innovation trajectory
  • connectivity infrastructure
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