Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years

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There is no denying the fact that the

education

system must be updated to enhance its quality.

While

it is a commonly held belief that youngsters until the age of 18, should be required to have

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

education

, there is

also

an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

education

for young

people

may be beneficial for them.

To begin

with, youngsters have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

plenty of spare

time

request

Wrong verb form

requesting

show examples

them to take advantage of that

time

with

Change preposition

show examples

study will enhance their ability and skills. It is

also

possible to say that, young

people

must be guided by some regulations to ensure that they will adhere to that policies.

Moreover

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

education

will expand their knowledge.

For example

, if we encourage the children to have a

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

education

, they will have

sufficient

Add an article

a sufficient

show examples

amount of basics of every science with that hectic schedule.

On the other hand

, we must

be considered

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

when it comes to young

people

, there

Verb problem

may

show examples

maybe a side effect of

this

plan.

In other words

, that

full

Add a hyphen

full-time

show examples

time

education

schedule may not be suitable for all youngsters

due to

several factors; they may feel obligated to attend all

that

Correct determiner usage

those

show examples

class

Fix the agreement mistake

classes

show examples

and that will affect them in an adverse manner.

In addition

, if they only spend their

time

studying they will not be able to communicate with other individuals.

For instance

, some studies have proven that children who love to

reads

Wrong verb form

read

show examples

a lot of books, and refuse to spend some

time

with their friends, will suffer when they grow up because of their low communication skills. In conclusion, despite

people

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

different points of view, I'm convinced that young

people

must be obligated to have some classroom but at the same

time

looking for each individual circumstances and ability is a must to enhance our

education

system.

Submitted by omima7a7md on Sat Dec 07 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing more balanced and detailed examples to support each side of your argument. This will strengthen your task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is mostly coherent, practicing linking words could enhance the flow.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion that neatly encapsulates the main points of your argument.

coherence cohesion

The essay presents a well-organized structure and logically flows from one point to the next, supporting a coherent argument.

task achievement

Your arguments are generally clear and cover both sides of the debate, acknowledging the benefits and drawbacks of full-time education.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

fundamental cornerstone
literacy and numeracy
social inequalities
foundation of knowledge
social mobility
informed and engaged citizenry
democratic processes
youth crime rates
productive activities
vocational training
workforce
stifling individual talent
economic contribution
stress and mental health issues
unsuitable educational system
one-size-fits-all approach
diverse talents
career paths
formal academic education
financial strains
low-income countries
improving quality of education

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Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self- employed?

Some people believe that it is the residents that are responsible for the cleaning nd tidying the streets . While others believe it is the responsibility of government . Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Opinion Some people think that family members are more important than friends, what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is necessary to travel to learn about other countries. Others feel same can be learnt through TV and internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.