There are more new towns being built nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clearly obvious that
building
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in building

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of
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apply

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new towns in
this
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era, some argued that recreational
facilities
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and sports centres are more critical than shops. I completely disagree because
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

presence
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the presence

The noun phrase presence seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of shopping
centers
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centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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is important to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply

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daily needs to some extent; their absence will generate frustration feelings. Generally,
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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

presence
Correct article usage
the presence

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of all
facilities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around will minimize dependence on cars. On the one hand, constructing a new town without shopping centres can be a source of discomfort for inhabitants, because they will struggle with getting their belongings from
centers
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centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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away from their living region. Even if these towns are fascinating, the residents will be moved to choose places which consist of all kinds of
facilities
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, always accommodation units inside compounds near malls are more desirable for individuals who are seeking for house. Most
of
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apply

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people prefer to live near supermarkets in order to
buy
Verb problem
meet

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their daily needs.
Furthermore
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, decreasing fuel consumption, because people will replace vehicles with pedestrians when all needed services are around,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
apply

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will reduce
need
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the need

The noun phrase need seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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for cars. So,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will return back better
on
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to

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individuals' health by reducing some extra calories.
Moreover
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, the emissions of gasses will decline.
Consequently
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,
additionally
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, traffic congestion will be diminished and
reduce
Verb problem
apply

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fossil fuel utilization. All these factors will contribute to
enhance
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enhancing

The verb enhance may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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environment
Correct article usage
the environment

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and ecosystem.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some experts noticed that global warming is less in areas that have little amount of carbon dioxide emission. In conclusion, I believe the
presence
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres

The spelling of centers is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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around is crucial, in order to attain all things we need at
anytime
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any time

It appears that anytime may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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. Shops location away from our houses
,
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apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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may cause some dissatisfaction.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
presence
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of all
facilities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

houses, will reduce using transportation methods, which will improve the environmental status.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. The essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between arguments supporting public parks and favouring shopping centers.
Task Achievement
While the essay logically explains the topic, more specific examples could enhance your argument, particularly examples showing the benefits of parks and sports facilities.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, providing a strong start and end to your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the importance of shopping centers adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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