IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There are more new towns being built nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is clearly obvious that
building
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in building
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of
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apply
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new towns in
this
Linking Words
 era, some argued that recreational
facilities
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 and sports centres are more critical than shops. I completely disagree because
Use synonyms
presence
Add an article
the presence
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 of shopping
centers
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centres
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 is important to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
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daily needs to some extent; their absence will generate frustration feelings. Generally,
Use synonyms
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
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 of all
facilities
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 around will minimize dependence on cars. On the one hand, constructing a new town without shopping centres can be a source of discomfort for inhabitants, because they will struggle with getting their belongings from
centers
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centres
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 away from their living region. Even if these towns are fascinating, the residents will be moved to choose places which consist of all kinds of
facilities
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.
For example
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, always accommodation units inside compounds near malls are more desirable for individuals who are seeking for house. Most
of
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apply
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people prefer to live near supermarkets in order to
buy
Verb problem
meet
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 their daily needs.
Furthermore
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, decreasing fuel consumption, because people will replace vehicles with pedestrians when all needed services are around,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will reduce
need
Add an article
the need
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 for cars. So,
this
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 will return back better
on
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to
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 individuals' health by reducing some extra calories.
Moreover
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, the emissions of gasses will decline.
Consequently
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,
additionally
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, traffic congestion will be diminished and
reduce
Verb problem
apply
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fossil fuel utilization. All these factors will contribute to
enhance
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enhancing
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and ecosystem.
For instance
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, some experts noticed that global warming is less in areas that have little amount of carbon dioxide emission. In conclusion, I believe the
presence
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 of shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 around is crucial, in order to attain all things we need at
anytime
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any time
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. Shops location away from our houses
,
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apply
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 may cause some dissatisfaction.
Although
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,
presence
Use synonyms
 of all
facilities
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besides
Linking Words
 houses, will reduce using transportation methods, which will improve the environmental status.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your thesis statement. The essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between arguments supporting public parks and favouring shopping centers.
Task Achievement
While the essay logically explains the topic, more specific examples could enhance your argument, particularly examples showing the benefits of parks and sports facilities.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, providing a strong start and end to your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the importance of shopping centers adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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