IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that doctors and professors, must be required to work in the area where they did their education. Others believe they can have opportunities to work in any place if they want. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #doctors #professors #work #area #education #opportunities #place
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Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
professors
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
shound
Correct your spelling
should
 be necessitated to
work
Use synonyms
 in the area where they did their education. Others feel that they can have chances to
work
Use synonyms
 in any place if they desire it. These
opinion
Change the determiner
opinions
show examples
 are interesting opinions. I will provide some arguments on the matter. In
this
Linking Words
comtemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 era, some societies feel that
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
professors
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 the place where they received their education.
This
Linking Words
 is because most societies think that
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
professors
Use synonyms
 have spent a lot of money to pursue their education. If
doctors
Use synonyms
 desire
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
 in any place
beside become
Change preposition
besides becoming
show examples
 lecturers, may be
can
Verb problem
able to
show examples
, but they will have some weak
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practical
skills
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a
lecturer
Use synonyms
 who feels bored when he is just teaching in a lecture. He decided to
resigns
Change the verb
resign
show examples
 as a
lecturer
Use synonyms
 and
applies
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some companies.
However
Linking Words
, a lot of companies do not receive a
lecturer
Use synonyms
 because he does not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 practical
skills
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are needed by accompanies.
Hence
Linking Words
, Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
Use synonyms
lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
show examples
is
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
matching
Wrong verb form
match
show examples
 if must
work
Use synonyms
 in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 teaching in a college.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
professors
Use synonyms
 can
work
Use synonyms
 in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 feel
doctors
Use synonyms
 and
professors
Use synonyms
 have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 opportunities to
work
Use synonyms
 in any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, they will
feel
Verb problem
find
show examples
difficulties
Replace the word
difficult
show examples
 to adaptation in a company because they do not have a lot of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and practical
skills
Use synonyms
 needed by a company.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a
lecturer
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decided to
resigns
Wrong verb form
resign
show examples
 as a
lecturer
Use synonyms
. He desires to become a worker who
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in a company. he
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 difficulty
to finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
 his
work
Use synonyms
 because he does not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
practical
Correct article usage
the practical
show examples
skills
Use synonyms
 that
uses
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to finish
this
Linking Words
 job. So,
Submitted by akbarsurya264 on

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introduction conclusion present
You provided an adequate discussion of both views, but it is essential to further develop your conclusion to clearly indicate your stance or personal opinion.
logical structure
There is some logical structure, but try to ensure that all ideas are clearly connected and build smoothly from one to the next.
supported main points
The essay could benefit from including more detailed examples to illustrate and support your main points.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay introduces both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced view, which is commendable.
complete response
You manage to touch on important concerns related to the employment of doctors and professors, which adds depth to your essay.
relevant specific examples
The essay attempts to engage readers by presenting real-life scenarios, which helps make the discussion relatable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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