IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of the Australian workforce in five industries between 1962 and 2012.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph depicts the proportion of the Australian workforce employed in five
industries
Use synonyms
 over a 50-year
period
Use synonyms
, from 1962 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the service sector absorbed the highest proportion of the workforce, in sharp contrast with the mining industry. Meanwhile, downward trends were observed in the percentage of people working in
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 and agriculture
industries
Use synonyms
. Looking in more detail, the service industry comprised the majority of the workforce in Australia over the years, making up over 50% of the population in the initial
period
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they presented an ascending trend with the final portion of almost 80% in 2012. During the same
period
Use synonyms
, the percentages of workers in
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 and mining
industries
Use synonyms
 varied marginally at around 3% for the former and 10% for the latter. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the remaining two
industries
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, fell over the
period
Use synonyms
 of half a century. Remaining constant at about a quarter of the Australian total working population for the first decade, the rate of manufacturing workers went down to 10% in 2012,
while
Linking Words
 that of agricultural workers halved over 50 years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words industries, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: