Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There has been a
long lasting
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long-lasting
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debate on
animals
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'
right
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rights
show examples
for decades. Some argue that
animals
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should be exploited by
humans
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toward satisfying
Change preposition
to satisfy
show examples
their needs, but others propose a counter
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
'
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
should be supported. From my perspective, the latter
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
is much more logical since they have feelings , and
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
of
animals
Use synonyms
might be a challenge.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
animals
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similar to
humans
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can feel various sentiments like joy, pain, and love. Using
animals
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for our purposes would make life hard and even intolerable for them, and it is against the ethical codes which
has
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have
show examples
taken centuries to be developed by
humans
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. In
the
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apply
show examples
nature, it can be seen some creatures like swans became isolated or depressed
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the lose
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lose
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loss
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of
its
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their
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couple and
opt
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opted
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to live alone afterwards.
Besides
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,
over-use
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overuse
show examples
of them can lead to extinction.
Animals
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are one of the
unseparable
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inseparable
parts of every
ecosystems
Change to a singular noun
ecosystem
show examples
around the globe, by hunting or capturing them, we
disturbe
Correct your spelling
disturb
disturbed
the balance in ecosystems, like eliminating some
animals
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from ecosystems' food
chaines
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chains
.
Following
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this
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can lead to dire problems targeting
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humans'
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human'
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lives. One example is hunting the
deers
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deer
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of an area leading to starvation of
wolfs
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wolves
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, and
consequently
Linking Words
, those
wolfs
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wolves
show examples
attack individuals because of hunger. That being said,
animals
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should be utilized by
human
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humans
show examples
for scientific research because they assert that examining new medicines would be harmful for
under examined
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under-examined
show examples
people. I believe
this
Linking Words
issue can be solved freely by taking special procedures. One would be applying
artifical
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artificial
intelligence toward analysing new remedies as long as advanced AIs can analyze complicated data, and after
through
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thorough
show examples
analysis, the
medicen
Correct your spelling
medicine
can be tested on
humans
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. It is obvious that human can find new methods to satisfy their desires without agonizing life for poor
animals
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
exploiting
animals
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, I believe that it is against our inherent
charectiristics
Correct your spelling
characteristics
since
animals
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can feel
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
deep sentiments ;
moreover
Linking Words
,
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
of
animals
Use synonyms
which is a possible outcome of overhunting would make life demanding for
humans
Use synonyms
on the earth.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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task achievement
Your response is complete and addresses both views. However, ensure that each paragraph's main idea is clearly defined to improve clarity.
task achievement
Although your points are supported, try to use more specific examples to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases more frequently to ensure smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which encapsulate the main ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives of the debate about animal rights and provides your personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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