Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that social
media
made a significant impact on our lives.
While
it is a commonly held belief that people utilize social
media
to communicate with their friends and to browse the news, there is
also
an argument that opposes it.
This
essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
with, social
media
made the world smaller and
facilitate
Wrong verb form
facilitated
show examples
the communication process for all individuals.
In other words
,
due to
the social
media
impact
Add a comma
impact,
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people can keep in touch with their families who may live in
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
.
In addition
, culture exploring and learning new languages is one of the various benefits of social
media
.
For example
, if someone aiming to learn a new language, he/she can achieve that target through the social
media
apps.
On the other hand
, social
media
and the internet in total hold an adverse side. It is
also
possible to say that, it may consume your time and disconnect you from the real world. To illustrate, engaging in communication apps
such
as WhatsApp and Snapchat will stop you from living the current moment.
For instance
, if you are at a family gathering browsing social
media
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that will cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
distance between the family members. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
question. On balance,
however
, despite people having different points of view, I tend to believe that social
media
is
Add an article
a doubled-edge
the doubled-edge
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doubled-edge
Correct your spelling
double-edged
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sword,
therefore
, balance
during
Change preposition
while
show examples
utilizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
must be considered in order to avoid its adverse side.
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Coherence & cohesion
Improve the essay's coherence by using more varied linking words and phrases to ensure better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task achievement
Enhance task response by ensuring a more comprehensive exploration of the advantages and disadvantages, possibly with additional examples.
Task achievement
Consider including a clearer introduction of your opinion in the thesis statement to strengthen the task response.
Task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument and concludes with a thoughtful personal opinion.
Coherence & cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs on both viewpoints, and a conclusion.
Task achievement
Examples are relevant and help illustrate the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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