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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More people are educating themselves with online educational sources. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #sources
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With the proliferation of modern communication and digital innovations, educational resources that are available on
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 have
beome
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become
 dominant in the landscape of learning.
While
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 online education
provide
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provides
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 better
flexiblity
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flexibility
 and rewarding learning
opportunites
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opportunities
opportunity
, the
drawabacks
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drawbacks
drawback
 of
this
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 approach
of
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to
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 learning outweigh its disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, the educational
materials
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 that are available online offer greater flexibility to
learners
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, eroding the limitations of geographical location. Since
the
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apply
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educational
materials
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 are available across different media channels
such
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 as social media platforms, online newspapers, documentaries, and apps (Udemy, Coursera), people can learn whenever they want.
Besides
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, the plethora of contents on learning
materials
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 transform the learning environment into more engaging and entertaining.
For example
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, the
learners
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 of
Udemy
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the Udemy
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 app can share their thoughts regarding the study
materials
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 by commenting on the video, which allows them to be active
learners
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. Since these sources enable the
learners
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 to download and save their desired content,
the
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apply
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passionate
learners
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 can reflect on their learning outcomes seamlessly.
Although
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the
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apply
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online sources of education offer limitless learning
materials
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, accessing these contents often comes with a high range of subscription fees, which can be a burden for marginalized students, making it a challenge for them to acquire knowledge.
In addition
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, not everyone has access to technological devices
such
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 as mobile phones, laptops, or tablets, which are essential for facilitating a smooth learning experience.
Therefore
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, the unavailability of physical classes will make it impossible for them to acquire knowledge
Furthermore
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,
the
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apply
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e-learning diminishes the scope of social networking among peers and teachers. If the students are unable to share their thoughts with their peers, they will not be able to enhance their understanding through debates and disagreements,
consequently
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, it will have a negative impact on the socialization skills of the
learners
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.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is vital to encourage online learning to erode the limitations of knowledge, it is equally crucial to acknowledge that
the
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apply
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learning in classes offers some benefits that are vital for human relationship development.
Submitted by tanjum.tushi on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of online education, but could benefit from more depth and exploration of each point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, with topic sentences that guide the reader through logical structure.
task achievement
The discussion of disadvantages could be further strengthened by providing additional real-life examples or evidence to support claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the arguments.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as mentioning Udemy and Coursera, are used to illustrate points.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure, with coherent paragraphs discussing the pros and cons of online education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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