IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and work of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#museums #art #galleries #people #objects #work #computer
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Nowadays, there is disagreement among
people
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 about whether museums and art galleries are necessary or not. Since
technology
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 has improved,
people
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 can see historical objects and
places
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 on their computers now.
Although
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 it is not the same with real experience, it helps
people
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 to save money and
time
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. First of all, historical
places
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 have their own soul, so when you go there and see them in real life, it will be a completely different experience. Since
technology
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 has improved, these kinds of historical
places
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 can be visited on our computers.
For instance
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, I live in Istanbul which is a city in Turkey and I really want to see the Van Gogh Museum which is located in Amsterdam. Since I have to work, I don'
t
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 have
time
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 to go to England, so I can visit there on my computer.
Technology
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 allows us to go anywhere without
time
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 limitations.
Secondly
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, these kinds of applications usually don'
t
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 charge money. Even if they do,
this
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 amount is usually affordable. Since many students don'
t
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 have economic freedom, it is a good option for them. There are many museums and art galleries that are more expensive than regular ones
such
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 as The Rijksmuseum in the Netherlands. With
this
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technology
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,
people
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 can visit them almost free, and it is a good opportunity for low-income countries.
Consequently
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, we will always need museums and art galleries in real life because of their originality, but thanks to
technology
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,
people
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 who don'
t
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 have
time
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 and money can
also
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 visit
such
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places
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 and improve themselves culturally.
Submitted by isil on

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coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction with a brief mention of the main points you will discuss. This will provide a roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument, addressing the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a balanced view.
task achievement
Makes good use of personal examples, such as the visit to the Van Gogh Museum, to illustrate points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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