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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, some students live with their families while studying, but other students prefer to attend universities in other cities. Do the advantages of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

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In pursuit of higher education, some
students
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 move away from their hometowns,
whereas
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 others stay close to their families. In my opinion, the benefits of living away from
home
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 during
university
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 are more significant than its drawbacks. One challenge of living in another city is the lack of a support network. When doing a
university
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 degree,
students
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 often find themselves under immense pressure, and in some cases, on the brink of mental breakdown. To relieve
this
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 tension, they generally turn to their friends and family for emotional and practical support.
Although
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this
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 assistance could be offered online thanks to modern technologies, the comfort of having loved ones physically present during tough times cannot be fully replaced. Another drawback is the higher cost of living.
In addition
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 to already exorbitant
university
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 fees,
students
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 must pay for rent, food, and transportation, which can strain their finances. Many resort to part-time jobs to cover those expenses, leaving them with less time and energy to focus on their studies. In the worst-case scenario,
this
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 extra distraction can so negatively impact their academic performance that these
students
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 may be expelled from
university
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. These disadvantages notwithstanding, I would argue that studying away from
home
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 yields the most desirable outcomes. The most obvious advantage of
this
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 decision is access to better educational opportunities.
This
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 is especially true for
students
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 from smaller cities like my hometown, Andijan, where just a handful of universities are based none of which are renowned for their programs. Moving to larger cities often provides access to prestigious institutions with superior academic offerings, making the move worthwhile. Living independently
also
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 fosters personal growth.
While
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 living away from
home
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 can present certain challenges
such
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 as homesickness, overcoming those can greatly fortify the character of
students
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, making them more durable and emotionally mature.
Students
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 learn essential life skills
such
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 as cooking, budgeting, and time management, which build self-reliance and adaptability.
Moreover
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, exposure to new cultures and diverse perspectives helps
students
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 become well-rounded individuals, better prepared for the globalized world In conclusion, selecting the right
university
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 is never an easy choice with numerous important trade-offs to consider. My own feeling is that studying away from
home
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 has serious downsides, including
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of immediate support and potentially higher costs.
However
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, they pale in comparison to the merits: superior education and personal development.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay's structure is strong, ensure the transition between points is as seamless as possible. You might want to use additional linking phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next even more smoothly.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant and specific, consider focusing more on one or two key examples and exploring them in more detail to enhance the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, clearly stating your position and summarizing your points effectively.
task achievement
You've addressed the benefits and drawbacks of studying away from home comprehensively by demonstrating clear, comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Your arguments are backed by specific examples which add depth and relevance to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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