IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.

#tobacco #drugs #lots #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no denying the fact that tobacco has been a major cause of a lot of diseases.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that smoking should be avoided everywhere, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that tobacco has a significant perilous impact on our society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, plenty of
people
Use synonyms
 are used to smoking cigarettes every day and every time and they do not have information about how much they are will be a big problem with it.
In other words
Linking Words
, governments have a substantial responsibility to prevent
this
Linking Words
 issue from happening and should be able to publish awareness about the perils of smoking.
In addition
Linking Words
, the community have a duty to protect their kids and, even the environment.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, they provide initiatives for their smokers and the results of
this
Linking Words
 initiative
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
positive outcome and a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 quit smoking. Another point to consider is that smoking has become a serious challenge in our country and most smokers are teenagers. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that parents played a big role in
this
Linking Words
 issue,
as well as
Linking Words
 the government should have a strict regulation and policies to curb
this
Linking Words
 attitude.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are several illnesses, the main reason is smoking,
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer and shortness of breath.
For instance
Linking Words
, schools and universities are a big factor in sending a message to
people
Use synonyms
 who are smoking to do a class about how to protect themselves from used tobacco. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views. I tend to believe that smoke is a broadly widespread problem in our communities and I could not agree more with
this
Linking Words
 statement to reduce
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Aim to provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments. For example, citing studies about the negative impacts of tobacco can strengthen your position.
task achievement
Try to elaborate your ideas with more depth and clarity. Developing paragraphs with a single main idea supported by detailed explanations can improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your argument by using more varied transitional phrases. This helps connect your ideas more smoothly across sentences and paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the topic.
task achievement
Effort has been made to address the task with relevant points regarding government and societal responsibilities towards tobacco usage.
coherence and cohesion
The essay attempts to connect ideas within paragraphs, showing a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion principles.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: