IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.

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There is no denying the fact that tobacco has been a major cause of a lot of diseases.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that smoking should be avoided everywhere, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that tobacco has a significant perilous impact on our society.
To begin
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 with, plenty of
people
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 are used to smoking cigarettes every day and every time and they do not have information about how much they are will be a big problem with it.
In other words
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, governments have a substantial responsibility to prevent
this
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 issue from happening and should be able to publish awareness about the perils of smoking.
In addition
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, the community have a duty to protect their kids and, even the environment.
For example
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, in the USA, they provide initiatives for their smokers and the results of
this
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 initiative
a
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are a
show examples
positive outcome and a lot of
people
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 quit smoking. Another point to consider is that smoking has become a serious challenge in our country and most smokers are teenagers. It is
also
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 possible to say that parents played a big role in
this
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 issue,
as well as
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 the government should have a strict regulation and policies to curb
this
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 attitude.
Moreover
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, there are several illnesses, the main reason is smoking,
such
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 as lung cancer and shortness of breath.
For instance
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, schools and universities are a big factor in sending a message to
people
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 who are smoking to do a class about how to protect themselves from used tobacco. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views. I tend to believe that smoke is a broadly widespread problem in our communities and I could not agree more with
this
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 statement to reduce
this
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 situation.

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task achievement
Aim to provide more specific examples and data to support your arguments. For example, citing studies about the negative impacts of tobacco can strengthen your position.
task achievement
Try to elaborate your ideas with more depth and clarity. Developing paragraphs with a single main idea supported by detailed explanations can improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your argument by using more varied transitional phrases. This helps connect your ideas more smoothly across sentences and paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the topic.
task achievement
Effort has been made to address the task with relevant points regarding government and societal responsibilities towards tobacco usage.
coherence and cohesion
The essay attempts to connect ideas within paragraphs, showing a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion principles.
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