IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Art has become one of the widely discussed topics these days. Do you think art is important for society? Do you think the government should spend money on art?

#art #topics #society #government #money
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Nowadays, there are a variety of discussion topics related to
art
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such
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 as the importance of
art
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 for
society
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 or the necessity for the
government
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 to allocate some
money
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 to
art
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both of the topics and I will give my personal opinions related to it. The first topic is the importance of
art
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 for
society
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. It can be seen, in today's
society
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, the
art
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 piece is considered one of the symbols of status for numerous people. The insane price of
art
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 makes the value of
art
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 can define someone as a person, whether they are wealthy or not. Many wealthy people
also
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 invest some of their
money
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 in
art
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 since the exclusiveness of
art
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 is totally different from investing it in property or other methods. I argue that the existence of
art
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 should not hold an important role in the
society
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.
Art
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 is something that cannot be related to
money
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 since the values and purposes of each artist are different to one another, and we should appreciate it by not relate it to wealth. The second one is the necessity for the
government
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 to allocate some
money
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 to
art
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. It is a wise step for the
government
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 to increase the local artists by allocating certain
money
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 to develop the industry of the local
art
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 as a form of respect and appreciation for them. By doing that, it not only helps the local industry, but it will highly increase the local economy by introducing the local
art
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 to the international level. Based on that, I agree that the
government
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 to allocate some
money
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 to
art
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.
To conclude
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, the existence of
art
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 for some people holds a crucial role in their lives as part of defining their status in
society
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.
However
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, with
this
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 phenomenon, the governance could maximise it by increasing the local
art
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 industry to the international level, so I firmly believe it will be beneficial for both views at the same time.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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task achievement
To improve the task response, aim to develop more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and grounded.
task achievement
Clarify some of the economic arguments, for example, explaining how art can be leveraged in society beyond being a status symbol, to deepen understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected to the question prompts to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The argument about government funding for local artists is articulated well and shows insight.
coherence cohesion
Smooth transitions are generally used between the different parts of the essay, contributing to a coherent flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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