IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that shops should not be allowed to sell
food
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 or
drinks
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 that have been scientifically proven to harm people’s
health
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. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as
such
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 products can cause serious
health
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 problems and negatively affect society. On the one hand, many foods and
drinks
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 are harmful to the body, and excessive consumption of these items leads to various
health
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-related issues. With the rapid growth of hotels, restaurants, and the
food
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 industry worldwide, unhealthy meals are becoming more accessible. Companies often use attractive offers to lure customers, which has resulted in increased consumption of junk
food
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 and sugary
drinks
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, especially among children.
Consequently
Linking Words
, obesity and mental
health
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 problems are becoming more common in younger generations.
For example
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, alcohol and tobacco are well-known for causing liver diseases and cancers, yet they remain widely available.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 true that
such
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 products are part of social life in many urban areas. Families and friends often gather to enjoy junk
food
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 and alcohol, and despite their harmful effects, people still choose to consume them.
For example
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, in the Indian state of Gujarat, alcohol is prohibited by law, but many people still manage to obtain it illegally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
food
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 and beverage companies often contribute significantly to government revenue through taxes, which sometimes discourages stricter action against them. In conclusion, individuals should take responsibility for avoiding harmful products, which would reduce demand and eventually limit production.
However
Linking Words
, I believe governments should
also
Linking Words
 play a stronger role by enforcing stricter regulations on the sale of unhealthy
food
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 and
drinks
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 to protect public
health
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.

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task response
State your view at once, then give why and how. This piece does this well, but link the proof idea more to the rule.
coherence
Add one or two clear main points and a short real life example for each.
coherence
Use easy joining words like also, but, yet, so, in addition. They help the flow.
content
Make each paragraph have one main idea and show a fact or example for it.
grammar
Check small language mistakes. Use simple grammar and common words.
task response strength
Clear view and steady stand on the topic.
coherence strength
Good use of two sides to the issue.
content strength
Many real examples used to back points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • food
  • drink
  • harm
  • science
  • prove
  • ban
  • rule
  • law
  • shop
  • sell
  • people
  • child
  • adult
  • choice
  • freedom
  • cost
  • benefit
  • risk
  • tax
  • label
  • warning
  • market
  • policy
  • work
  • plan
  • time
  • money
  • fair
  • clear
  • easy
  • difficult
  • strong
  • weak
  • plan
  • idea
  • enforce
  • educate
  • option
  • healthy
  • unhealthy
  • advertising
  • school
  • mother
  • father
  • family
  • society
  • government
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