IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong. Punishment is important to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should Patent and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviors to children?

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It is really
an
Change the article
apply
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essential for kids to understand the difference between right and wrong, and many people
thinks
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think
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 that it is reasonable to punish their
children
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 for their bad activity which will
impove
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improve
children
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's thinking quality. If they don't listen to their
parents
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 or teachers
then
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will argue about
this
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 opinion and I will state
that
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apply
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why kids must be under control these days.
To begin
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 with, nowadays
children
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 do not listen to their
parents
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. Unfortunately, they get into many problems.
For instance
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, many students from Saudi University do not listen to their teachers or
nor
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apply
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their
parents
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. Because of that students
lost
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lose
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 their ability to
choose
Verb problem
make
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 wise decisions, without taking any
advices
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advice
 they jump into anything they want
and
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apply
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which causes a vast amount of loss
of
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for
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 that school.
On the other hand
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, a bad friend can lead
children
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 to
the
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a
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 worse situation.
Parents
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 should restrict their
children
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 and teach them some
lesson
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lessons
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 about how
this
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 world
working
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works
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, and how to live here peacefully. If they really not
to
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apply
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understand that
then
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,
parents
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 should slightly punish them which will lead
children
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 to think what they are doing
bad
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is bad
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 or good.
For example
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,
a
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in a
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city called Boban, where lots of addictive drugs can be found and without any right choices many
children
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 mistakenly choose the wrong way and become
one
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apply
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of
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apply
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drug
addict
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addicts
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. In conclusion, if
its
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it's
it is
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 necessary to provide a quality education for our
children
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, we might give them some punishment for
their
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a
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 better and
bright
Replace the word
brighter
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 future,
otherwise
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, kids might lose their great way of thinking.

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Task Response
Clarify your position on the topic earlier in the essay. Although you mention that you strongly agree with the statement, it would benefit the clarity to restate your position explicitly in the conclusion.
Task Response
Provide more detailed, specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples strengthen arguments and make them more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and links smoothly to the next paragraph. This enhances logical structure and cohesion.
Task Response
The essay addresses the task by discussing the topic of punishment as a means to teach children right from wrong.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
Task Response
Attempts have been made to give examples to support the arguments, which shows a good understanding of how to approach essay tasks.
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