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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important Trung

#people #exercise #health #diet #trung
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In the modern era, health is
con sidered
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considered
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 a top priority with
people
.
While
 some human beings believe exercise is beneficial for health, others argue that a balanced
diet
 is very crucial. In my opinion, both are two inseparable elements. There are many reasons why some
people
 believe exercise is the best way to be healthy if they are doing
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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.
First,
exercising enhances blood circulation in
people
’s bodies
,
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and, consequently
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consequently
, keeps
fit
Correct pronoun usage
them fit
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 mentally and physically.
Furthermore
, it is commonly believed that these activities decrease the stress level that causes various health problems, and energize for the whole day.
For example
, my grandfather exercises every day and is now very healthy at the age of 82.
In contrast
, a balanced
diet
 is vital to the immune system, helping to ensure that the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients necessary for its efficient function are available. Even minimal deficiencies in certain nutrients can impair immune system function,
such
B-vitamins
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as B-vitamins
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, vitamin C, and iron. For
istance
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instance
, Professional
gymer
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gamer
gamers
gym
 often have a very strict
diet
 so they can participate in tournaments. In conclusion, both of these ideas can keep everyone healthy. If
people
 want to avoid diseases
people
 should have a
diet
 and do exercise.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Incorporate transitions between ideas to make your essay more cohesive. Words like "additionally," "moreover," "however," and "therefore" can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and examples to make the argument more comprehensive and persuasive. For instance, you can provide more detail about the benefits of exercise or include a counter-argument to show critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Be more explicit in linking ideas between paragraphs. For example, start the second paragraph with something like, "On the other hand, while exercise is important, many believe a balanced diet is crucial" to clearly contrast the ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both aspects of the question, which provides a balanced perspective on the topic.
task achievement
The examples used in the essay, such as the reference to the grandfather and gymers, help in illustrating the points made.
coherence cohesion
You include a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps maintain focus and provides closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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