IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people aim to achieve a balance between their work and lines,but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem?

The pervasive aspiration for equilibrium between professional pursuits and personal life is a defining characteristic of contemporary society;
however
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, the attainment of
this
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 balance often proves elusive.
This
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 essay will explore the underlying causes of
this
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 imbalance and propose viable strategies for its resolution. Several factors contribute to the difficulty individuals face in harmonising their
work
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 and life commitments.
Firstly
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, the intensification of workplace demands, driven by globalisation and technological advancements, places immense pressure on employees. The expectation of constant availability,
coupled with
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 increasing workloads, erodes the boundaries between professional and personal spheres.
Secondly
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, societal expectations regarding career success and material possessions often incentivise individuals to prioritise
work
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 over other aspects of their lives. The pursuit of upward mobility and financial security can lead to an unhealthy obsession with career advancement, neglecting personal well-being and familial relationships.
For instance
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, a recent study by the Institute for
Work
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 and Family demonstrated that professionals working over 50 hours per week reported significantly higher levels of stress, burnout, and marital dissatisfaction compared to those with more balanced
work
Use synonyms
 schedules.
This
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 illustrates the detrimental consequences of prioritising
work
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 at the expense of personal relationships and well-being. To address
this
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 imbalance, a multi-faceted approach is required. Individuals must proactively prioritise self-care and establish clear boundaries between
work
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 and personal time.
This
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 may involve setting realistic
work
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 goals, delegating tasks, and
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 mindfulness to reduce stress.
Furthermore
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, organisations have a crucial role to play in fostering a culture that values
work
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-life integration. Implementing policies
such
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 as flexible working arrangements, generous parental leave, and employee assistance programs can empower employees to effectively manage their competing demands. Advocating for societal shifts that de-emphasise materialistic values and promote a more holistic view of success is
also
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 paramount. In conclusion, the struggle to achieve
work
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-life balance is a complex issue stemming from both individual choices and systemic pressures. By implementing proactive strategies at individual, organisational, and societal levels, it is possible to foster a more sustainable and fulfilling way of life, where professional achievement and personal well-being are mutually reinforcing rather than mutually exclusive.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has clear main points that are easy to understand.
task achievement
Use simpler words and shorter sentences to express ideas clearly.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your views.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the aim of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and suggests a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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