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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people aim to achieve a balance between their work and lines,but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem?

#people #aim #balance #work #lines
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Many
people
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 try to achieve a
balance
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 between their
work
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 and
lines
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, but few
people
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 achieve it. There are several issues with
this
Linking Words
 problem, and I will try to solve them. There are several issues of achieving a
balance
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 between
work
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 and
lines
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.
Firstly
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,
time
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 management. Many
people
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 cannot manage their
time
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 correctly, and that’s why they cannot achieve
balance
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. If
people
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 manage their
time
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 correctly they will have a
balance
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 between
work
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 and
lines
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.
For example
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, if
people
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 postpone other doings after their
work
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, they will achieve
balance
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, but if the community
workswork
Correct your spelling
works
 and does their own business simultaneously, they never will achieve
balance
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. As the statistics show society cannot achieve a
balance
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 between
work
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 and
lines
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 because of
time
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 management, if they make their
time
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 correctly, they can achieve it.
Therefore
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,
time
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 management is the main reason, and that’s why
people
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 should learn how to manage their
time
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. There are
also
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 solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
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,
people
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 should postpone all their business after
work
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 or before their
work
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, because they will distribute themselves and they cannot
work
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.
Secondly
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, the crowd should make a timetable for themselves to make their life easier.
Time
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 tables will help them to do their own
work
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 and business in rotation.
Therefore
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, if society will make timetables for themselves, they can achieve their
balance
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. In conclusion, there are several problems and solutions to
this
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 theme, I believe if
people
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 make a timetable and manage their
time
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 for themselves, it will help them to achieve
balance
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, include examples of how effective time management can lead to better work-life balance.
task achievement
More detailed sentences can enhance clarity. Try breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more specific ones to improve understanding.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and use connectives to bridge ideas smoothly. This will improve the overall logical structure of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main issue and providing a summary of solutions.
task achievement
You addressed the task by identifying possible causes and solutions to achieving work-life balance, which shows a good understanding of the task requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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