IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied.

#experts #country #wealth #citizens
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Some authoritative figures believe that when a country is affluent, any additional economic growth does not increase the residents' level of
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will,
however
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, provide some reasons why I firmly disagree with the given opinion.
To begin
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 with, some individuals argue that an additional increase in the economy in a rich country would not bring
further
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satisfaction
Use synonyms
 to citizens. From the perspective of individuals, they have been suffering from a sense of desire and feelings
due to
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 circumstances where those are not the materials that can be solved with economic wealth.
Therefore
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, those individuals can not benefit from an additional increase in economic wealth.
Furthermore
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, compared to non-wealthy countries, wealthy countries have shown the highest suicide rates which proves that being economically wealthy has less impact on an individual's
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 of life.
Furthermore
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, a prosperous economy empowers governments to address societal challenges and invest in social welfare programs. These initiatives assist marginalized communities, reduce inequality, and promote social cohesion, crucial elements that contribute to citizens' contentment and happiness. In conclusion,
while
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 some argue that increased economic wealth in affluent nations doesn't necessarily elevate citizen
satisfaction
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, I firmly believe that economic growth significantly contributes to improving living standards, providing opportunities, fostering innovation, and addressing social issues.
Hence
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, continued economic progress remains instrumental in enhancing the
overall
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satisfaction
Use synonyms
 and well-being of citizens in wealthy countries.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider including more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
To enhance the clarity of your ideas, try to break down complex arguments into simpler, more digestible parts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly ties back to the main thesis and transitions smoothly from one to the next to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear starting point and wrap-up to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively used transitional phrases that help in maintaining the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced perspective on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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