Passage 3 In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
in many cultures,
childern
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children
are told that they can
achevie
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achieve
anything they want if they try hard enough. in
this
essay
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essay,
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we will explore both
advantages
and
disadvantages
of advising children to try hard in order to
achive
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achieve
anything. there are many
advantages
regarding
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to
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pushing kids to their
limit
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limits
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to
acheive
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achieve
their dreams. teaching them not to give up very
easly
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easily
early
,
make
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making
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them stick to their goals with all of their
potentioals
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potentials
potential
. life is getting harder,
howevere
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however
everything is
possibe
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possible
with
dedecations
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dedications
dedication
. trying to
achive
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achieve
somthing
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something
with a
perviouse
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previous
previously
though
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thought
show examples
of when to give up would make them
foucs
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focus
on giving up rather than
achiving
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achieving
their goals and dreams. in that case, these are the
advantages
of telling
childern
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children
to try harder in order to
achive
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achieve
what
there
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they
show examples
want in life.
on the other hand
, there are a lot of
disadvantages
affecting the person who does not know when to give up and let it go. sometimes, giving up is
wiegh
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way
better than trying harder.
tha
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The
idea should not
by
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be
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eleminated
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eliminated
completely,
while
sometimes after doing much of the hard work you realize you are on the wrong path, therfore persuming harder and harder
whould
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would
affect them. and these are the
disadvantages
of giving them the
oppourteunity
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opportunity
to give up sometimes. in
conclousion
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conclusion
,
delievring
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delivering
a message to children so they try hard to accomplish their dreams has both
advantages
and
disadvantages
. trying hard would push them to the upper limits and extract their
potentioal
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potential
which will raise the
possiabilty
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possibility
of
succes
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success
.
while
,
sometime
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sometimes
show examples
it is better to quit something after realizing it is incorrect at the time. these are
advantages
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the advantages
show examples
and
disadvantges
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disadvantages
of
delievring
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delivering
that
messsage
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message
to children.
Submitted by tareq.kj on

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General
There are some spelling and grammatical errors that should be addressed (e.g., 'childern', 'achevie', 'acheive', 'perviouse', 'foucs', 'wiegh', 'persuming', 'therfore'). Use tools like spell checkers or grammar checking software or carefully proofread your work to eliminate such errors, as this can impact clarity.
task achievement
You have identified the main advantages and disadvantages, but the examples or support given for these points are quite general. Including specific examples or a little more elaboration on how these messages are delivered and their impact would improve your task response score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This can help improve coherence and flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay effectively includes an introduction and conclusion, establishing a structure that guides the reader from the topic to a balanced closure.
task achievement
The main arguments regarding the pros and cons of telling children they can achieve anything with effort are well laid out, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. **Achievement**: successfully reaching a goal. 2. **Perseverance**: continued effort to achieve something despite difficulties. 3. **Resilience**: ability to recover quickly from difficulties. 4. **Confidence**: belief in one's abilities. 5. **Goal-setting**: the process of deciding what you want to achieve. 6. **Optimism**: hopefulness and confidence about the future. 7. **Unrealistic Expectations**: goals that are not reasonable or attainable. 8. **Emotional distress**: feeling of intense stress or anxiety. 9. **Talent**: natural aptitude or skill. 10. **Opportunity**: a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something. 11. **Empathy**: ability to understand and share the feelings of another. 12. **Balance**: maintaining stability among different aspects of life.
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