Details of politicians' private lives should not be published in newspaper. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply

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private
information
about political persons’
lives
is a private secret.
While
it is a commonly held belief that details about politicians’ private
lives
should not be published in printed media, there is an argument opposite it. In my opinion, I consider that the personal
information
of politicians’ private
lives
should not be published in newspapers.
To begin
with, publishing the private details of those persons may cause to break their privacy.
In other words
, politicians have the right to keep their
enternal
Correct your spelling
internal
external
eternal

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lives
secret and it is not necessary that anybody know
details
Correct article usage
the details

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of their
lives
.
In addition
, it is essential to save their personal
lives
away from
pubular
Correct your spelling
popular
tubular

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for many reasons.
For example
, it is
possibly
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possible

Possibly seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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if their full
information
was published to affect their responsibility negatively. Another point to consider is, the
individuals’
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individual’s

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data for any authority’s man if it is published to threaten his life and his
family
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family's

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life. It is
also
possible to say that some
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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violators may use
these published
Change the determiner
this published information

It appears that the plural demonstrative these is modifying the singular noun information. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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information
to break the law
due to
threatening the decision-makers
while
they are deciding on some issues.
Moreover
, it is probable
to
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apply

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that threats make decision-makers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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take
Correct your spelling
make

The word take doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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unfair decisions to avoid any dangers
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their family
lives
.
For instance
, if any lawbreakers try to abuse
to
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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any family member
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a politician that may make the politician
to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to act should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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act as the violator need. In conclusion. I strongly believe that the personal
information
of politicians should not become a public issue to save their
lives
and keep their decisions unbiased.
Submitted by fayez1939 on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas to improve coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are fully explained and supported by specific examples.
task achievement
Clarify some unclear ideas to enhance comprehension.
introduction conclusion
The essay introduces the topic and provides a conclusion effectively.
task achievement
Attempts to provide arguments both in favor and against publishing private information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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