Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? A

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Nowadays, many
children
spend hours every day on their
smartphones
. There are different reasons for
this
, and
while
it may seem good, I think it is more negative. One reason why
children
use
smartphones
for so long is that there are many interesting apps and games. These apps can keep
children
busy for a long time.
For example
, kids like to watch videos, play games, and talk to their friends.
Smartphones
are
also
a good way for
children
to find information and learn new things. But, I think using
smartphones
too much is not good.
First,
it can make
children
unhealthy. When they sit for too long looking at screens, they can get eye problems or back pain. It is
also
not good for their mind because they may become addicted to their phones or feel lonely. They might stop talking to people in real life and spend less time with family or friends. In conclusion,
while
smartphones
can be fun and useful, I think
children
should not spend too much time on them. It is important to have a balance between using phones and doing other activities.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Include a more detailed analysis of why smartphones are appealing to children, such as social influence or parental leniency.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the variety of sentence structures to improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a distinct reason or effect, contributing to logical flow.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the question, explaining reasons for phone usage and evaluating its impact.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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