In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?
Many countries have laws that forbid smoking in public areas, and the majority of people agree with these laws. I wholeheartedly concur with the idea/
this
assertion because it lessens the negative impacts on those around smokers and deters smokers from starting.
Making it unlawful for people to smoke in public areas is logical primarily because it reduces the possibility that someone may inadvertently be impacted by someone who is smoking close by, a phenomenon known as passive smoking. Because it causes conditions like lung cancer, cardiovascular disease, and other health problems, passive smoking has serious repercussions /ˌriːpəˈkʌʃn/, particularly for young people and expectant mothers. Thus
, a regulation in public spaces is necessary to restrict this
kind of exposure. For instance
, the percentage of employees experiencing health issues linked to passive smoking significantly decreased when Ireland implemented a smoking ban in all places of business, including pubs and restaurants.
This
regulation makes sense because it aids cigarette addicts in breaking their addiction. Since there are no smoking signs in public spaces where they gather with friends and family, they are prohibited from using it there. Consequently
, this
individual can gradually give up their undesirable habit and no longer feel the need for their addiction. For instance
, when this
law was implemented in Australia, the smoking rate has
declined dramatically, from around 22% to just 11%.
In conclusion, it is my belief that smoking should be outlawed completely in public areas to protect the public from the harmful health effects of secondhand smoking and to curb the number of smokers.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by kelsey.aston.aie on
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task achievement
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the topic and your position. Right now, it briefly touches on your agreement but could tie more into the reasons you'll discuss.
coherence cohesion
Add transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. For instance, use linking words such as 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' at the start of the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and coherent argument with well-developed points on why smoking should be banned in public places.
task achievement
Provides relevant and specific examples to support the argument, such as the smoking bans in Ireland and Australia.
task achievement
The essay maintains a consistent point of view throughout, which strengthens the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite