Some people believe that school students should be required to do some free social work after classes .

#people #school #students #work #classes

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Some individuals argue that schoolchildren must obliged to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

volunteer after lessons .I partially support

this

Linking Words

viewpoint for a variety of reasons . On the one hand, I agree that learning starts at a very early age, and if it can help and serve the nation, it will be an achievement.

Although

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books give them knowledge, they do not get enough life experience. Especially by helping the needy for free, they will not only learn the practical aspects of life at a very early age

Remove the comma

apply

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but

also

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get

real life

Add a hyphen

real-life

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experience.Another point worth

mentioned

Change the form of the verb

mentioning

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is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

all young people should spend more

time

Use synonyms

in unpaid social activities as

this

Linking Words

will lead to them getting rid of their mobile phones

as well as

Linking Words

videogames

Correct your spelling

video games

show examples

. In fact, they

further

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strengthen socialism among different cultures and expand their knowledge.

In addition

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to that , students should take part in activities

such

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as beach cleanups, tree planting, and maintaining public parks and playgrounds.

This

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will serve as an example to others of their age and will eventually become a habit for them .

For instance

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, in some countries

such

Linking Words

Singapore

Add a comma

Singapore,

show examples

it is impossible to see garbage on the streets because they are taught

this

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from childhood .

On the other hand

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, I

also

Linking Words

hold a view that child

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

is illegal

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

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under 18.

However

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, if someone sees it, the owner of the organization can be fined.

Moreover

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, children should devote more

time

Use synonyms

to their lessons; if they work at the same

time

Use synonyms

, it will distract them and prevent them from concentrating on their studies.

However

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, free

time

Use synonyms

also

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plays an important role in the lives of teenagers, especially for stress relief and self-improvement.

As the

Correct word choice

The

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heavy workload and tight deadlines put significant pressure on students.

For example

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, a survey conducted in American schools found that 70% of students experience high levels of stress

due to

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homework, leading to mental health issues

such

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as anxiety and burnout. In conclusion, I agree that participating in community work helps teenagers acquire valuable skills like leadership and communication, I

also

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believe that leisure

time

Use synonyms

is essential for reducing stress and promoting self-improvement.

Submitted by huseynova.nigul on Wed Dec 11 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to clearly outline your main points in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay. This will improve the logical structure and overall coherence.

Relevance and Development of Ideas

Ensure that all ideas are fully developed with specific examples. Consider how each example supports your point and provide adequate explanation or detail.

Conclusion Development

Refine the conclusion by succinctly summarizing the main points and reinforcing your stance clearly.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes well, making your argument more rounded.

Task Response

The essay successfully addresses the task, considering different perspectives on the issue of volunteer work for students.

Use of Examples

You provide practical examples, like the situation in Singapore, which enhance the argument and make it relatable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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Some people believe that school students should be required to do some free social work after classes .

Your opinion

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the media have to right to publish detail of people’s view, while other thinks it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second-hand clothing amongst the younger generation. Why is this happening? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?