IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People can perform everyday tasks, such as shopping and banking as well as business transactions, without meeting other people face-to-face because of technology. What are the effects of this on individual and society as a whole?

#people #tasks #business #transactions #technology #effects #society
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Thankful for contemporary
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
technology
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 us an opportunity a lot of ways of transferring
a
Remove the article
apply
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money
each
Change preposition
to each
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others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 despite far
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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this
Linking Words
 development is very useful in
this
Linking Words
 era because modern time is a very globalized era
that is
Linking Words
 useful for saving time. But others like to talk about some risks of business transactions. Equally important, in modern society foreign trade has increased globally so it requires daily
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
. They need to send payment for goods and services. Especially since everybody can make any payment
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
This
Linking Words
 means that
technology
Use synonyms
 is inevitably useful for our busy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
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 two decades rapidly developed the banking
system
Use synonyms
 in most countries.
For example
Linking Words
, everybody knows and can use a VISA card which uses everyday tasks for shopping and travel widely.
Most
Correct article usage
The most
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 recent wire transfer
technology
Use synonyms
 recently successful in the international banking
system
Use synonyms
 is named SWIFT. I can't imagine all life without both of the above.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the effects of
this
Linking Words
 on some people and other societies may bring a risk because most transactions are done without meeting people physically. If it makes mistakes it will lose money,
such
Linking Words
 as some banking customers' information lost or a computer program that has errors. Since the money transaction process gets more risk.
Therefore
Linking Words
, few people prefer cash over other transaction systems. In conclusion, nowadays with the
technology
Use synonyms
 developed for the banking
Use synonyms
system
Add a comma
system,
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 we can save a lot of time and we can trust each other especially
,
Change preposition
in, hope
show examples
hope
Correct article usage
the hope
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a
Change preposition
of a
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banking program.
Due to
Linking Words
 most
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 that
system
Use synonyms
, it
Add a missing verb
is extraordinary
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extraordinary
Change the adjective
extraordinarily
show examples
 useful for us than hundred years ago society. So we should respect a few
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the population, who are still confused about that
technology
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure the essay with distinct paragraphs for each point you want to discuss. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Provide clear examples or elaborate on how technology has increased foreign trade and improved banking systems to support your points better.
coherence cohesion
Avoid jumping between different ideas too quickly; ensure each paragraph focuses on a single topic or point.
task achievement
You address both the positive and negative effects of technology on individual and society, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
You mention specific technologies like VISA and SWIFT, which enhances the specificity of your examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides an introductory statement about the context of high technology, which sets up the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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