IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #students #study #science #food #time #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been much controversy around the importance of studying
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 and cooking.
While
Linking Words
 some insist that schools should place more emphasis on teaching core subjects
such
Linking Words
 as math or
science
Use synonyms
, I would argue that
food
Use synonyms
-related courses should
also
Linking Words
 be an option in the curriculum. On the one hand, the core
disciplines standard
Fix the agreement mistake
discipline standards
show examples
 at most schools are imperative for one’s future career. These subjects give
students
Use synonyms
 basic
knowledge
Use synonyms
 in many areas, help them to land a good job and make it easier for them to
transit
Wrong verb form
transition
show examples
 into a professional environment.
For example
Linking Words
, logical thinking acquired during math lessons and critical thinking fostered by literature will make for a confident individual who is up for a challenge, able to solve problems, and ultimately able to make informed choices about their future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a solid understanding of
food
Use synonyms
 and cooking will benefit
students
Use synonyms
 immensely in many respects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, scientific
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
food
Use synonyms
 encourages
students
Use synonyms
 to take a health-conscious approach to their diet.
Students
Use synonyms
 can see the value of healthy eating habits and know which foods are harmful to their physical health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are more likely to adopt a balanced diet rather than consuming junk
food
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, equipping young people with the foundational
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 will build up their self-reliance and enable them to lead independent lives. Armed with a
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
, they will
also
Linking Words
 be more capable of adjusting to living on their own because they can prepare nutritious
home-made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 without relying on fast
food
Use synonyms
 or processed
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe studying nutrition and
food
Use synonyms
 preparation is of paramount significance in leading a healthy and independent lifestyle.
Thus
Linking Words
, courses about
food
Use synonyms
 should be included as an option in the school curriculum.
Submitted by junaidkaleem on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to enhance your argument, especially when discussing how core subjects help students transition into professional environments.
task achievement
Try to maintain a balance in your arguments by exploring potential counterarguments. While discussing the importance of food science, consider what its limitations might be as well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively link your ideas, which contributes to a coherent and cohesive piece of writing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question comprehensively, presenting both sides of the debate and expressing a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: