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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Different types of robots are now being developed which can be a friend, help at work and at school. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#robots #friend #work #school #development
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It is clear that
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 with the advance of technology,
scientsits
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scientists
 nowadays have developed various kinds of
robots
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 which can make
friends
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 with
people
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as well as
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 help
people
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 at work and at school. I argue that
this
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 has a positive development in several ways. On the one hand, Creating
robots
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 like
friends
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 can help
people
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 reduce loneliness in modern society.
People
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 now are busy with assigned tasks and household chores, they do not have time to go out with
friends
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 or family.
As a result
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,
people
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 have a feeling of being alone and need a friend by their side.
For example
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, I read one article about a man who was willing to spend a big amount of money to buy a robot like his wife. He took care of them carefully and he could
shared
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share
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 everything about his daily life.
On the other hand
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,
robots
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 have great applications at work and at school . companies use
robots
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 to reduce
the
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apply
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expense
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expenses
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 with higher productivity.
Instead
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 of hiring many employees with a big amount of salary for a long time, companies are considering
to buy
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buying
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 one robot to replace
human
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humans
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, robot can take over
the
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apply
show examples
people
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’s tasks and create the same products with the same quality. Schools use
robots
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 to
dedect
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detect
 the students who can experience
in
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apply
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the early
stage
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stages
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 of autism. Students are under a lot of pressure today in learning and parents are too busy at work so they
feel
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find it
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 challenging to share their emotions with others.A Prolonged situation can cause several negative impacts on their development In conclusion, many kinds of
robots
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 are discovered to become
friends
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 or have many applications for working places or at school
Submitted by nguyennguyet.vcu on

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task achievement
Consider improving the clarity of the main points by ensuring each idea is distinctly separate and easy to identify. For instance, a bit more elaboration or examples in the body paragraphs could make each point stronger.
language
Pay attention to small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. These don't heavily impact the score but refining them will make your essay more polished.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay is generally well organized, make sure the transitions between ideas are smoother to enhance the flow of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the topic and the writer’s stance.
task achievement
Provides relevant examples to support each of the main points, making the argument more concrete and persuasive.
task achievement
Successfully addresses the prompt by discussing both friend-like robots and their applications in work and educational settings.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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