You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
this
day and age, human beings are accustomed to approaching modern medical treatment and diagnosis. Numerous among them try to make use of instantly alternative medication and treatments
in place of having their health
checked by usual doctors
. To a certain extent, it is relatively convenient and helpful in emergency situations, I strongly believe that it is indispensable that intensive knowledge and skills of doctors
are required.
On the one hand, utilizing medicines and treatments
for conveniences
and in some dangerous Fix the agreement mistake
convenience
cirtumstances
is rational. Given that some people must travel long distances to reach their own doctor, it is advantageous Correct your spelling
circumstances
to
them Change preposition
for
for purchasing
alternative medicines and instantaneous Change preposition
to purchase
treatments
to make ensurance
that they are safe whenever accidents come. Correct your spelling
insurance
Additionally
, a group of people nowadays are confident enough to prove that they have basic medical hypothesis
to solve their own Fix the agreement mistake
hypotheses
health
problems. For instance
, whenever I had health
issues, my mum was always relying on her medical diagnosis and simultaneously purchasing the needed medicines, which was actually effective in some cases. However
, not everyone or every situations
could be effectively addressed.
Change to a singular noun
situation
On the other hand
, without direct visits to experts as well as
experienced and skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
doctors
, there might be unpredictable consequences. Granted, specialized doctor
are those who are strictly trained to become the person who could save people’s lives. Some Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
health
issues, additionally
, have extra high requirements for intensive medical knowledges
and practices, comprising surgeons. In many cases, only utterly well-trained Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
doctors
could handle extremely dangerous diseases and accidental injures
that make patients run the risk of being killed.
In conclusion, Replace the word
injuries
while
supporters Correct word choice
apply
asume
that somehow alternative medication and Correct your spelling
assume
treatments
may replace the role of doctors
. For its instantaneous effects, it is undeniable that doctor
is Correct article usage
a doctor
trully
the best Correct your spelling
truly
choices
. Fix the agreement mistake
choice
Such
kind
of development could bring about certain positive results but not that efficient in most cases. It is Correct article usage
a kind
fundamential
for each and everyone not to neglect their Correct your spelling
fundamental
health
issues.Submitted by aesacademyforenglishstudy on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay maintains a clear logical flow from one point to another. Transitional phrases can improve connection between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your main points, making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Some sentences could be made clearer by simplifying language and ensuring subject-verb agreement, which will enhance comprehensibility.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, showing an understanding of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example