With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are some concerns regarding threats to
children
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through the
internet
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. The dangers vary from
unappropriate
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inappropriate
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contents
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content
show examples
to sexual assaults.
Therefore
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, governments' policies are made to limit
children
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's access to the
internet
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.
However
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, regardless of those policies, many people say that parents must control their
children
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's exposure to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. I agree with
this
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approach because of two main reasons.
Firstly
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, the
internet
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is a free domain. Everyone can access anything
in
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on
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the
internet
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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are vulnerable. They do not know what is good or bad, or even dangerous for them.
Hence
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, adults must guide them by communicating and controlling their
children
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's access to the
internet
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. I read a news couple of weeks ago about a teenage girl who has a
long distance
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long-distance
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boyfriend
in
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on
show examples
the
internet
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. She has never met the boy, but she is willing to do some porn show for him through her phone.
That is
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awful.
Secondly
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, the
internet
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has a lot of attractive platforms
which
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and
show examples
most of them are not productive.
Therefore
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, it is very
significant
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important
show examples
for parents to limit their
children
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's time
of
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on
show examples
internet
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use. Those boys and girls need to do something else for the sake of their future,
such
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as
excercising
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exercising
and socializing.
For example
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, my neighbour's oldest boy becomes asocial because he is spending
to
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too
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much time gaming
in
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on
show examples
the
internet
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.
To conclude
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,
eventhough
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even though
the
internet
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has many advantages, there are some risks
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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regarding
children
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such
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as
varies
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various
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of
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apply
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threats and
time consuming
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time-consuming
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.
Therefore
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, I think it is better for adults to control their
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children
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children's
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usage of the
internet
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. In the future, I think there have to be some policies from
government
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the government
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to give social media platforms penalties if they make features exploiting
children
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.
Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly regarding how parents can effectively control internet usage for children.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and your stance.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question effectively and clearly supports the position on why adults should control children's internet access.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dangerous situations
  • limit access to the internet
  • inappropriate content
  • online predators
  • physical and mental health
  • monitoring and guiding
  • online safety
  • school curriculum
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