IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are some concerns regarding threats to
children
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 through the
internet
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. The dangers vary from
unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
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contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 to sexual assaults.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments' policies are made to limit
children
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's access to the
internet
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.
However
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, regardless of those policies, many people say that parents must control their
children
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's exposure to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 approach because of two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
internet
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 is a free domain. Everyone can access anything
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
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 are vulnerable. They do not know what is good or bad, or even dangerous for them.
Hence
Linking Words
, adults must guide them by communicating and controlling their
children
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's access to the
internet
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. I read a news couple of weeks ago about a teenage girl who has a
long distance
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long-distance
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 boyfriend
in
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on
show examples
 the
internet
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. She has never met the boy, but she is willing to do some porn show for him through her phone.
That is
Linking Words
 awful.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
internet
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 has a lot of attractive platforms
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 most of them are not productive.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is very
significant
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important
show examples
 for parents to limit their
children
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's time
of
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on
show examples
internet
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 use. Those boys and girls need to do something else for the sake of their future,
such
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 as
excercising
Correct your spelling
exercising
 and socializing.
For example
Linking Words
, my neighbour's oldest boy becomes asocial because he is spending
to
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too
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 much time gaming
in
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on
show examples
 the
internet
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.
To conclude
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,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 the
internet
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 has many advantages, there are some risks
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 regarding
children
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such
Linking Words
 as
varies
Replace the word
various
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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threats and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think it is better for adults to control their
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 usage of the
internet
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. In the future, I think there have to be some policies from
government
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the government
show examples
 to give social media platforms penalties if they make features exploiting
children
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.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly regarding how parents can effectively control internet usage for children.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and your stance.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question effectively and clearly supports the position on why adults should control children's internet access.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dangerous situations
  • limit access to the internet
  • inappropriate content
  • online predators
  • physical and mental health
  • monitoring and guiding
  • online safety
  • school curriculum
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