Society is becoming obsessed with material good like cars, designer clothes and jewellery. We have stopped carrying about the important things and that is why divorce rates are so high. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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I agree and here's why.
first,
people are starting to care more about the looks
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than the value,
for example
, people like
Correct article usage
the iphone
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iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
phone
more than any other company even tho they provide the same specs.
second,
family's
Change noun form
families
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that care about fashion
are
Change the verb form
is
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poor and the husbands cannot provide for their
wife's
Change noun form
wives
show examples
and that's why it
Correct your spelling
increase
increases
increasce
Correct your spelling
increases
divorce rates
Submitted by darbyftw4 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, provide more developed arguments. Discuss both views regarding materialism and divorce rates. This ensures a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by organizing ideas logically. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea and flows smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarizes your position and provides a closing thought on the topic.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear, and you provide some examples to support your views.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the relationship between materialism and divorce rates, indicating a grasp of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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