IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main purpose of television should be eduction, while other says it should be for entertainment only. Discuss both side and give your opinions.

#people #purpose #television #eduction #entertainment #side
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
mondern
Correct your spelling
modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
television
 has integrated itself as an essential part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
 life.
People
 watch it for a wide range of reasons,
such
 as, e.g., relaxation or entertainment
as well as
 education and the news.
Subsequently
, the view of its main purpose has diverged with some
people
 arguing that
television
's main objective should be educational purposes only.
On the other hand
, arguments are being made that it should be for entertainment purposes only.
This
 essay will explore both stances on the topic before providing my own opinion on the subject. Proponents of
television
 as an educational tool highlight its potential to deliver important content to
broad
Add an article
a broad
show examples
 audience of
people
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
television
 can render some more challenging subjects like math more
digestable
Correct your spelling
digestible
 to a multitude of
people
.
Additionally
, it can make subjects like history or geography more visually appealing to learn,
enchancing
Correct your spelling
enhancing
 memory through visualisation.
Consequently
, it can make education more accessible to
people
 who struggle with a teaching approach taken by their teacher without falling behind on their respective courses.
On the other hand
, advocates for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment-focused programming argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 delivers a
much needed
Add a hyphen
much-needed
show examples
 escape from the stress and mundaneness of
every day
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
 life. Whether it be
commedy
Correct your spelling
comedy
 shows to crime
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 series, there will
something
Add a missing verb
be something
show examples
 for everyone. Watching something entertaining
together with
 friends or family members can foster interpersonal relationships, contributing to the social inclusion need. In my opinion,
this
 should not be mutually exclusive. A balanced approach, where both coexist harmoniously, allows
television
 to enrich lives through learning
while
 still providing an essential source of relaxation and joy.
Furthermore
,
people
 cannot be ever productive and always learn. There should be a possibility for
people
 to just relax and enjoy their time. In conclusion, both goals
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
valubale
Correct your spelling
valuable
 purposes in society and are equally needed to foster productivity
as well as
 mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
This
 versatility is what makes
television
such
 a powerful and enduring medium.
Submitted by carolinarodig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further enhance your task achievement score, consider providing more specific examples or case studies to support your points about television's educational content and entertainment value. This would add depth and specificity to your argument.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring that all transitions are smooth, and that there is a consistent flow between paragraphs. Linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, providing a strong framework for your discussion.
complete response
You successfully cover both perspectives regarding the purpose of television and provide your own opinion, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: