IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some believe that people should make efforts to fight climate change while others think it is better to learn to live with it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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One of the social concerns today relates to leaving
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country
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the country
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 to develop
work
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 and have a better life.
Besides
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, there are people who intend to settle in
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country
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the country
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 as a better choice. In my opinion,
i
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I
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belived
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believe
believed
 that
leave
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leaving
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country
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the country
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 to develop
work
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 or
stay
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staying
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 in
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country
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the country
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 all bring different benefits. On the one hand, it is argued by some that
leave
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leaving
show examples
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country
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the country
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 to improve their
work
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 is
better
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a better
the better
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 way because
,
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apply
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 the main reason is that they can fulfil their dream job wishes that their
country
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 does not have, It is
also
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 possible to say that
are
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is
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 very difficult to achieve in their
country
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. One good illustrates of
this
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 is
study
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studying
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 abroad and
get
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getting
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 a good job to fulfil their dream. Another reason is,
expand
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to expand
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 your relationships and
work
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 in a multinational environment.
For example
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, working in Japan you can learn the punctuality of Japanese people or working with an American you can get the heart of the job.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed by others that staying
country
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also
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 is
better
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a better
the better
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 choice because you can help your
country
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 develop more. A second point is that, apply the practical experience you have gathered,
while
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 being able to live near relatives and friends. A particularly good example here is when your relative is in trouble or sick, working in your
country
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 you can provide quick support to avoid unfortunate problems from occurring. In conclusion,
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work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in
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country
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the country
a country
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 or abroad all have benefits. Personally, I tend to believe
that is
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 a decision for each individual and as long as they can become an exemplary citizen to help develop the
country
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 and help their families have a better life.

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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear and concise introduction that clearly outlines the discussion points. It is also important to ensure that the topic in the introduction matches the main content of the essay. The absence of a proper thesis statement weakens the introductory paragraph.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. Ensure that paragraphs follow a clear progression of ideas. Topic sentences should be distinct and help guide the reader through the argument or narrative.
Conclusion
The essay needs a more effective conclusion that summarizes the key points and restates the author's position. It is also important to provide a final thought or recommendation that reflects the discussion presented in the essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure your essay thoroughly answers the question by discussing both views presented in the topic. Provide clear examples and explanations to support each perspective, as well as your opinion.
Supported Main Points
Work on developing and supporting your main points with concrete examples. The examples given are a bit too general and fail to effectively support the arguments. More specific and relevant examples are needed to illustrate your points.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Strive to express ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that each paragraph develops a single, specific idea. Reducing repetition and refining your expression can enhance understanding.
Relevant & Specific Examples
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. General statements are not as convincing as detailed and precise examples that directly relate to the points being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • mitigate
  • renewable energy
  • afforestation
  • sustainable practices
  • extreme weather events
  • carbon emissions
  • infrastructure
  • agricultural practices
  • moral responsibility
  • ecosystems
  • green jobs
  • economic growth
  • job losses
  • poverty alleviation
  • quality of life
  • proactive measures
  • balanced approach
  • green technology
  • unavoidable impacts
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