IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children should always follow their parents' advice. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#children #parents #advice
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Parents
’
advice
 is usually based on their experience and care for their
children
.
However
, saying that
children
 should always follow their
parents
’
advice
 is too extreme. I disagree with
this
 idea and believe that
children
 need to balance their
parents
’
advice
 with their own choices. On one hand,
parents
 
advise
Wrong verb form
are advised
show examples
 to protect and raise their 
children
. They guide
children
 on vital issues 
such
 as studying, safety, and good conduct.
Parents
 have already lived their lives, so their guidance could keep 
children
 away from mistakes. 
Children
 will be able to learn good values and make better decisions by listening to their 
parents
, 
thus
 succeeding in life.
Also
,
parents
 give guidance based on love and concern, and following 
this
 will help strengthen family bonds.
On the other hand
,
parents
' 
advice
 is not always right in every situation. Sometimes, their opinions could sound old-fashioned and not fit for the child's dreams or personality.
For example
, a parent might want their child to follow a traditional job, like being a doctor,
while
 the child is passionate about art or sports. If
children
 followed all 
this
 
advice
 unthinkingly, it would prevent their lives from becoming self-sufficient in happiness. Learning to make their own decisions is a big part of growing up, too.
Finally
, 
parents
' 
advice
 is very important and useful, but 
nevertheless
, it is not necessary to follow it all the time. It is more effective if 
children
 respect the
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of their
parents
 but can 
also
 think on their own. 
Thus
, they will turn into confident and independent individuals.
Submitted by angelbonita6 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples that clearly illustrate your points. Instead of general statements, use instances that reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument flow more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument and provides a balanced view on the topic, which is essential for a good task response.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion sections make it easy to follow the essay's main points.
task achievement
The essay touches on important issues like personal development and parental care, showing depth in the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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