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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Teachers
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 are considered to have more impact on
children
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's social and intellectual growth than
parents
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 when they start their learning journey.
While
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 I agree that
teachers
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 play a very crucial role in
kids
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' development,
parents
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 definitely are the most influential figures. In my opinion, there are several reasons why the role of school staff is very essential.
Firstly
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, the school curriculum is getting harder and more complicated than ever which makes it quite hard for the
parents
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 to deal with it and support their
children
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 with their homework and tasks.Owing to the fact that
teachers
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 are well equipped with all the necessary knowledge and resources,their part is undeniable when it comes
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children
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to children
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 comprehending new information.
Secondly
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,
children
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 spend
the
Correct article usage
a
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notebale
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notable
noticeable
 amount of time at
shcool
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school
 with their
teachers
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 and get guidance from them in different aspects of their learning including
the
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apply
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social and intellectual growth and skill acquisition.
On the other hand
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,most of the time
kids
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 reflect the behavior of their
parents
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 around them and see them as main role models.
Kids
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' brains
is
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are
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 like
a
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apply
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blank paper and they fill it with what they see from their mothers or dads.
For instance
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, if they see their dad trying to fix something at home,they will try to imitate it or if they see their mom pet the cat with love, they will try to have the same attitude towards animals and
this
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 is how their intellectual and emotional qualities start shaping.
Additionally
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, modern-day
kids
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 are exposed to smartphones or computers a lot and they tend to learn most things from these digital gadgets. If their
parents
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 control and guide them in
a
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the
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 right way when it comes to the use of social media rather than trying to keep them busy and entertained with all types of games and unhealthy content, it will have positive consequences on their personal development.
To conclude
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,despite the importance of
school
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the school
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 education system and
teachers
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,
parents
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 are still the main source of influence in forming and improving
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the
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IQ and soft skills of
children
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 since they are the ones controlling the learning routines of
kids
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 and whom
kids
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 look up to when they grow up.

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language
Work on improving sentence structures and grammar to enhance clarity and precision in your writing. For example, ensure subjects and verbs agree and be cautious with punctuation.
task achievement
Try incorporating more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Continue refining the skill of connecting ideas smoothly throughout the essay for enhanced readability. Use a wider range of linking phrases or words where appropriate.
introduction conclusion
The essay presents a strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state and summarize your position on the topic.
logical structure
There is a good logical progression of ideas from one point to the next, which facilitates understanding and maintains the reader's interest.
task achievement
You have successfully conveyed comprehensive ideas regarding both teachers' and parents' influences, which fulfills the task requirements well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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