It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is sometimes believed that taking
risks
in eighter personal or professional life
can be so advantageous that the negligible drawbacks of this
may be dominated by its booming outcomes. Although
taking risks
is potentially an effective approach to the
growth and success, I don’t firmly agree that it is always the most practical choice.
Correct article usage
apply
First,
to consider those who believe the advantages of taking risks
is
much more considerable, it is claimed that you can’t fulfil your ambitious goals without stepping out of your Correct subject-verb agreement
are
life
’s safe zone and bravingly taking
risky Correct your spelling
making
decision
in both your personal and professional lives. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
That is
,
the monotonous rhythm of everyday Remove the comma
apply
life
, your constant limited income or the depression caused by repeated wrong behaviors
in your interpersonal relationships will never end if you don’t make up your mind and try to change everything, no matter how risky or out of reach it seems. Change the spelling
behaviours
For instance
, investing a substantial amount of money in electronic international markets may depict such
a risky step for a conventional bank staff with low wage
. Fix the agreement mistake
wages
However
, a sudden vigorous profit can comprehensively change his life
. Furthermore
, breaking up with someone you have lived a long time with is such
a risky and challenging decision as it can simultaneously survive
you from a wrong painful relationship. Verb problem
save
However
, not all these dramatic stories end happily like this
! Sometimes taking risks
can reversely ruin your attempts and lead to regression.
On the other hand
, there are plenty of people thinking the drawbacks of taking risks
are more significant. Although
you can sometimes reach unimaginable success by taking risks
, life
is not all roses and the number of people who have failed is much more dominant compered
to those who have achieved something. What is more, taking risky steps in Correct your spelling
compared
life
can have a devastating impact on your mind, your relationships and working
efficacy even if it leads to achievements as the huge overwhelming stressful thoughts and doubts can make people Correct pronoun usage
your working
disable
Wrong verb form
disabled
of
doing their daily duties or even living their normal everyday Change preposition
from
life
. Also
, it is obvious that you can not always be the winer
. After suffering all Correct your spelling
winner
winter
these
pain and stress you may lose something really valuable Correct determiner usage
this
of
Change preposition
apply
yours
that never can be regained which can make you disappointed and regretful Correct pronoun usage
apply
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
your
Change preposition
of your
life
.
To conclude
, although
taking risks
in both personal and professional lives can end up with flourishing outcomes and progression, it has some drawbacks that can never be ignored. The high potential of losing your important things, high pressure and stressful thoughts of future
which may lead to Correct article usage
the future
inefficacious
performance in Add an article
an inefficacious
life
are the reasons why the advantages of taking risks
can never overcome its disadvantages.Submitted by mohamad.rahimi.alisaraei on
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task achievement
Aim for a clearer stance on the main argument. Your essay is somewhat balanced, but it could be strengthened by a more definitive viewpoint on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the overall organization. Although there is an introduction and conclusion, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and a more coherent progression.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary choice to enhance clarity and precision. Minor inaccuracies occasionally obscure meaning or make the text seem less fluent.
introduction and conclusion
You effectively introduced the topic and included a conclusion that summarizes your views.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments regarding both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
You made a good effort to balance the discussion by considering both sides, which adds depth to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example