Now a days people are admiring media and sports stars even though they don’t set a good example. Do you think it is positive or negative development.
There is no denying the fact that celebrities person
gonig
Correct your spelling
going
with
a great way. Change preposition
in
While
it is a commonly held belief that well-known peopleIt
is important to use are the best in the world, there is Correct your spelling
people
also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that children should not show the celebrities as a good people
.
To begin
with, many of
famous lack Change preposition
apply
to
knowledge and university degrees. In other words, the effect is Change preposition
apply
negatively
on the minds of teenagers and they want to be like them. Change the word
negative
In addition
, if a young person watches social media every day, he can focus on his or her studies with pay more attention to the celebrity's lives. For example
, more than 50% of people
use social media to see the life
of other Fix the agreement mistake
lives
people
which makes them feel sad.
Another point to consider,
is losing time on unimportant things Remove the comma
apply
such
as being on the media. It is possible to say that wasting time plays an
significant role Change the article
a
in
Change preposition
apply
the
nowadays Correct article usage
apply
for
that we should invest our time in valuable things. To illustrate, do exercises Change preposition
apply
15
minutes each day to Change preposition
for 15
avoide
Correct your spelling
avoid
the
leisure. If Correct article usage
apply
people
follow the right way and do healthy things in their live
, they might be Replace the word
lives
lead
Wrong verb form
led
them
to Correct pronoun usage
apply
better
mind.
In conclusion, despite Add an article
a better
people
having different views, I believe that exposing children to the celebrity's live
is a bad way and may lead them to criminal action. Replace the word
life
Overall
, it is clear that
this
issue needs further
research and discussion before a decision should be made.Submitted by sulltaqeel on
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coherence cohesion
Improve your logical flow by structuring your essay more clearly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points connect logically to each other.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more compelling introduction that clearly outlines your position and provides a roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your arguments, such as statistics or anecdotes, to make your points more relatable and convincing.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas and ensure your paragraphs address the question more directly. Make sure each paragraph tackles a specific aspect of the topic and ties back to your main thesis.
task achievement
You addressed the prompt directly and stated your opinion clearly, which is a strong start.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, which provides closure to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.