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Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of people are now using the Internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together, while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Huy Tran

#people #internet #huy #tran
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In the socialization era, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 are using the Internet to make new friends and social communication, some believe
this
Linking Words
drive
Correct subject-verb agreement
drives
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 closer together.
While
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 others argue that
people
Use synonyms
 are attractive
isolated
Correct word choice
and isolated
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. Two aforementioned opinions will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, the number of social network users is becoming increasingly popular with applications
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram.
Throught
Correct your spelling
Through
 it
people
Use synonyms
 can easily chat, make new
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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, and get to know new
people
Use synonyms
.
From these
Change preposition
These
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things
Add a comma
things,
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 it
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 us from strangers to relatives.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that, they create groups for
people
Use synonyms
 who
far
Add a missing verb
are far
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 from home, same
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
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, and solve problems in
there
Replace the word
their
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 life. Recent research
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that 80%
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 find their other half across social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 and they even get
marry
Change the form of the verb
married
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.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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 today are too dependent on social networks, they spend all day
to surf
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surfing
show examples
 Facebook, Threads,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
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. Because their day is spent so much on those things, they do not have time to go out and socialize. They isolate themselves from society,
sports
Correct word choice
and sports
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 activities to connect
people
Use synonyms
 together, but for
them
Add a comma
them,
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 it is too difficult. A recent research conducted at Havard University
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that 90%
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
consume
Verb problem
spend
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 2/3
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
surffing
Correct your spelling
surfing
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
insignificant
Correct article usage
an insignificant
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things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the Internet is useful for
community
Add an article
the community
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but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it has a certain harmful effect if we use
wrongly
Correct pronoun usage
it wrongly
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.In my point of view, we should use social networks
intelligent
Change preposition
for intelligent
show examples
 and correct
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Organize ideas logically, ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs and sentences.
Task Achievement
Include more specific and detailed examples to illustrate main points effectively.
Task Achievement
You've clearly presented both views in the introduction and provided a personal opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good effort in structuring the essay with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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