Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #trend

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The increment of access to technology and the internet has affected the screen

time

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children

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Instead

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of being active and playing outside, some kids prefer to sit and watch movies or play games on their gadgets.

While

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this

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might bring educational benefits, I believe that too much

time

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on the screen will have negative impacts on

children

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's development. There are some reasons behind

this

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phenomenon.

First,

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parents who are both working might find it easier to entertain their

children

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by giving them gadgets from an early age.

This

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event builds the child's habit and even addiction which might be difficult to break.

Moreover

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, a lack of social or outdoor activities can be the cause of

this

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event.

For example

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children

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living in the apartment with no playground or

neighbour

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neighbours

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have no other form of entertainment than their devices.

This

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event raises concerns

Change preposition

about

show examples

the

children

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's physical and psychological development.

Children

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who spend more

time

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on their screens might endure sight problems

due to

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the high duration of light exposure.

Also

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, the sedentary lifestyle caused by low physical

activities

Fix the agreement mistake

activity

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might result in obesity.

In addition

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children

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's social interactions are mostly done online, reducing their social skills in real life.

This

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might affect their performance in school since they will have a hard

time

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adapting to their environment

moreover

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focusing on the subject taught. In conclusion, exposing technology at

such

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an early age needs to be taken into account carefully. I argue that too much screen

time

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can impact negatively

Change preposition

apply

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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children

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's physical and psychological development.

Thus

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parent

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the parent

a parent

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has to be more considerate of the gadget usage of their

children

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Submitted by larasati.sylvia41 on Sat Dec 14 2024

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relevant specific examples

Include more specific examples or cases to better illustrate your points, particularly in the discussion of children's screen time and its effects.

logical structure

Ensure your points are clearly linked for enhanced coherence. Attempt using linking words for smooth transitions.

introduction conclusion present

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

complete response

The essay addresses the task effectively, discussing reasons and impacts of children's increased screen time with clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

screen time
digital devices
smartphone addiction
online interactions
developmental impact
physical health
mental well-being
academic performance
parental supervision
proliferation of apps
engaging content
excessive use
sedentary lifestyle

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative trend?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college, university or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage ?

If an individual acts in an anti-social way, such as committing a crime, who is to be blamed: society or the individual. What causes begin such behaviour? Who should be responsible for this?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Older people often choose to spend their money on themselves (e.g., on holiday) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?