IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some think most crime is the result of circumstances (eg. poverty and other social problems). Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#think #crime #circumstances #eg #poverty #people #nature
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The discussion about the cause of
crime
 whether
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on specific circumstances or innate disposition and character has become popular these years.
While
 I acknowledge there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some justification to the theory of evil by nature, I
sill
Correct your spelling
still
show examples
 view that most offenses are caused by the circumstances. Those who support that
crime
 caused by
people
 who are bad by nature
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
 primarily in terms of internal factors.
To begin
 with, efforts of some genetic material. Many biological researches have shown that certain genetic traits may make a person more likely to exhibit aggressive or antisocial behaviour.
For example
,
people
 with xy y-chromosomes,
whom
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
show extremely destructive and unstable emotions in childhood, even hurting their parents and friends.
In addition
, some
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
moral regulation and education, resulting in
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 hardly
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 the value and benefits of social conscience. These individuals
ma
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 engage in
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
such
 as fraud,
thefts
Fix the agreement mistake
theft
show examples
 and sexual assault without any sense of guilt or
hesitant
Replace the word
hesitation
show examples
.
However
, I will argue that the majority of
crime
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is caused by the external environment.
Firstly
,
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 situation is the major factor which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the criminal rate. In the absence of legitimate economic opportunities,
crime
 appears to be a possible option for survival.
For example
, in some
southeast
Capitalize word
Southeast
show examples
 Asian countries, where job positions are scarce,
people
 may engage in illegal activities
such
drug
Change preposition
as drug
show examples
 trading and telecommunication fraud to earn a living.
Furthermore
,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of access to
gain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
educational resources can limit personal perspective.
People
 nowadays hard to find a suitable job without
high-quality
Correct article usage
a high-quality
show examples
 education background and skills to compete in the job market so that
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 forced into criminal activities. In conclusion,
although
 the
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 factors are the non-ignored reason, I
personal
Change the adjective
personally
show examples
 think that circumstances are the main factors
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the majority of
crime
.
Submitted by fiasngs on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: