IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that professional work like doctor and teacher great contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that
women
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 are naturally better at taking care of
children
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 than
men
Use synonyms
, and because of
this
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, they should concentrate more on parenting rather than their careers.
While
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 it is true that
women
Use synonyms
 often play a central role in childcare, I partly disagree with the idea that they should reduce their working life
for
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this
Linking Words
 reason.
To begin
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 with,
women
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 have traditionally been seen as the main caregivers in most societies. They are often more nurturing and patient, which helps in raising young
children
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. Many
women
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also
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 feel more emotionally connected to their
children
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, especially in the early years.
This
Linking Words
 may make them more effective in understanding
children
Use synonyms
’s needs.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that
men
Use synonyms
 are not capable of being good parents. Nowadays, more fathers are taking active roles in raising their
children
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. In some families,
men
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 even stay at home
while
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 the
women
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 work full-time. Good parenting is more about commitment, love, and time spent with
children
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 than about gender. Both parents should share the responsibility equally if possible.
Moreover
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, asking
women
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 to give up their careers may be unfair.
Women
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 have the right to build a successful professional life just like
men
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 do. If they are forced to focus only on the home, it limits their freedom and potential. With better support systems
such
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 as childcare services and flexible work schedules, both
men
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 and
women
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 can balance work and family life. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 may have certain qualities that help in raising
children
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,
this
Linking Words
 should not mean they must sacrifice their careers. Childcare should be a shared responsibility between both parents.

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Task Achievement
You could provide more detailed examples to support your ideas about shared parenting and the role of men in childcare.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the central argument. You might use linking phrases to improve flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You present a clear argument and structure your essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensable
  • justified
  • revenue generation
  • critical contribution
  • balanced reward system
  • market dynamics
  • job satisfaction
  • talented individuals
  • public interest
  • well-being
  • development
  • mental health
  • happiness
  • attract
  • advocating
  • overpaid
  • equally important
  • ensuring
  • reflects
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