IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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In the present epoch, saving
money
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 for the near and far
future
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 is really essential for each person, especially the young generation. I have a massive agreement with
this
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 phenomenon and I believe that when
people
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 collect their
money
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, in fact, they invest for their
future
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.
This
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 essay will show some benefits of saving
money
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 and give a conclusion
at the end
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.
Initially
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,
it is clear that
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 the ages 20 and 30 years are golden ages for each other. Young
people
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 are full of energy with strong physicians that it
due to
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 their body and mental ages. They can work with the highest performance.
Moreover
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, they are responsible for their
future
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, so they have to endeavour and hard work. After 30 years
people
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 should establish their own families, they need to have cars and houses.
In addition
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, they have to build a welfare level of life for their own families.
Additionally
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, they have to support their parent when they become old.
For instance
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, some mothers and fathers get diverse diseases that they need to pay attention to and spend
money
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 on treatment and buying some medicine.
Secondly
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,
people
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 always have to wait for unforeseen events. In
this
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 attitude, all the time maybe happen some events like car breakdowns, necessary travel and unexpected diseases. By collecting
money
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, they would pass away from an unknown
future
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 and will handle it in the best way.
Furthermore
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, they can help others who have close-knit relationships with them. It leads to
help to
Wrong verb form
helping
show examples
 each other to develop and improve.
For example
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, some families give
money
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 to their children who are in adolescence to launch their own businesses.
To sum up
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, the best way to have a comfortable life in
future
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 is to work at a young age and scavenge their salary as an investment.
People
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 have to use their fresh bodies to earn
money
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 and collect for their
future
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.
Submitted by mellika.sadeghi1 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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